Monkey Momma

Have you checked your paper placemat lately? Today is the Chinese New Year! We now begin the Year of the Rabbit ... and just when I was getting used to writing Tiger on my check!

I wouldn't say I am obsessed with Chinese culture of late... just highly interested since the buzz about Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother began. Yes I said Tiger mother, not to be confused with Cougar moms. Sorry, guys.

I have not read the book by Amy Chua, but got a chance to read a lengthy piece about it (and more) in the Jan. 31 issue of Time magazine. The author calls herself a "Tiger Mom" because she was born in the year of the Tiger. If you pay attention to her mother skills, you might think of other adjectives for tigers including intimidating and ferocious.

The self-confession that caught people's attention was her story about forcing her 7-year-old daughter to practice piano for hours on end with no breaks for water or even the bathroom. She also admitted in her book that she has rejected homemade cards from her daughters if they didn't put enough effort into it and, on one occasion, called her older daughter "garbage" when she acted disrespectfully.

Not to defend her, but I have heard mothers call their children worse things than that. She does make some good points that caused me to pause a moment and think about how we are raising our son.

She points out that Western parenting (that's all of us) is shocking and horrific. In a recent interview, Chua said she couldn't believe "how much time Westerners allow their kids to waste -- hours on Facebook and computer games -- and in some ways, how poorly they prepare them for the future."

Raise your hand if you're guilty of that. Who isn't -- to some extent? I do agree with her contention that we (us Westerners) are so focused on self-esteem we do not prepare our children for real-world competition. Sure it seems "nice" to not keep score in a game when the kids are 5 or 6 years old and are learning it, but when everyone gets a ribbon for participating, what's to make these children strive for more? Even now, when Carter is on the competitive team for basketball, I wonder why they are bothering with games for 5th and 6th place. They still get a ribbon for that! (We have 2 of these at home!)

I wonder how his generation will know when they have truly been successful at something if they don't know what failure is?

Sorry, Ms. Chua, but as a Monkey Mom (yes, born in the year of the Monkey), I am guilty of trying to bolster my son's self-esteem when I can. And I don't feel bad about it. However, I do try to be realistic. He's not going to excel at everything he tries. He needs to know that and we (his Rabbit Father and me) need to know that -- and accept that.

When it comes to academics, we do have high expectations because we know he is quite capable.

When it comes to music, we don't require endless hours of practice each night, but he does have to practice. He accidentally acquired some natural talent with those brass instruments so we think he should honor the gift God gave him.

As for sports, that's a touchy one. He is capable but we often have to push him to practice so he can improve. When he does improve, he is so glad he put forth the extra effort. But it's taking that first step of pushing himself that takes our extra effort to begin with.

Chua said, "What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it." I tend to agree... but only to a certain extent. I can definitely say Carter had a blast last year during tournament baseball season when he finally started hitting the ball and making some plays! You work hard, you improve, it's fun.

But I also think the learning process can be fun, too. Sometimes there is a little joy when you finally just understand something -- even if you are not even close to mastering it. Take parenting for example. It's not always a barrel of Monkeys (or Rabbits or Tigers), but I wouldn't change a minute of it for all the chopsticks in China.

Would you?