Tough Love?

I woke up today with all intentions of being the Mom of the Year. Somehow that didn't pan out.

I got up a few minutes early so I would be ready in time to give Carter a ride to the bus stop on this cold morning. He even started the car for me while I was wrapping my final attempts at beautification. Just as I was leaving my bedroom, however, he comes in and reports that he had just gone to the bathroom and things were not looking good.

Great.

Besides the fact that I thought we were in the clear after surviving a 3-day weekend with no stomach issues, Mondays are a terrible, terrible day for me not to go to work. Big deadline. Busy stuff. All Mondays are like that. So staying home really wasn't an option for this temporarily single mom. That doesn't mean Carter couldn't stay home by himself, but what kid wants to stay home without TLC from his mommy?

So I suggested we wait it out. See if he has to "run" to the bathroom again in the next half hour. If there were no further incidents, I would drive him into school. If there was, then he'd have to suffer alone at home -- at least part of the day. In the meantime, I shut the car off and took care of some work emails.

At 7:05, after a "run-free" 30 minutes, I declared he was good to go.

"I still have a bit of a stomach ache," he said.

"No you don't," I replied. "You're going to school."

Then, just to impress upon him how important it was to buck up, I briefly (very briefly) explained what girls have to go through every month and stressed they are not all missing 5 days of school each month because of painful cramps. They push through it because they're tough. (Don't be alarmed. Boys are well schooled on all of this stuff by 5th grade these days.)

I also threw in there that there are many days Daddy and I don't feel like going to work either, but we do what we have to do. Not many people wake up and feel 100% right away. Frankly, I need my shower and a cup of coffee before I feel anything!

So in the end, yes, I drove him to school.

And yes, I am a mean mom to tell him to tough it out.

But yes, I was also right and he survived just fine.

Tonight he is going to bed early just so he is well-rested for tomorrow's walk to the bus stop (hey, it'll be above zero) and school day. I suppose I should get some sleep, too, just in case I decide to get up a little early and give him ride.

C'mon, you know I can't stay that tough for long!

Tough Love

With my mind focused on "tough love" today, it's actually pretty appropriate my desk calendar word today is capitulate.

Capitulate -- 1: to surrender often after negotiation of terms. 2: to cease resisting: acquiesce.

The definition of tough love then? When there is no capitulation on behalf of the child. They won't surrender. They won't cease resisting us. Seriously, it's not far off the mark. Wikipedia says: "Tough love is an expression used when someone must treat another person harshly or sternly in order to help them in the long run."

I'd wager most kids today consider any type of punishment "harsh" or "stern." Last night, for example, Carter was sent to bed early because of his dramatic refusal (once again) to take a bath. So he went to his room and proceeded to moan and wail over the injustice. Anyone listening from any point in our house for the next 45 minutes would think we were cutting off his fingers one by one, the way he carried on.

This morning, his first words to me were: "Why do you and Dad hate me?" Apparently he thinks being sent to bed early is harsh and stern. I, on the other hand, think harsh was getting whacked on my bare behind with a yardstick -- a form of tough love we couldn't legally demonstrate today (nor would I want to).

I imagine I threw a few dramatic fits of my own. I just didn't realize the tough part of tough love was being the parent and doling out the unreasonable punishment.