This morning I tried to keep the mood light, asking Carter if there was anything he was hoping to do as a 15-year-old because he had one day left. He grumbles something about "homework as usual." So much for trying to be funny.
It put me in a bit of a sour mood on my commute until something in my audio book caught my attention. The mother in the book mentioned her mantra when dealing with a teenage child: Detach with love.
In other words, do no let somebody else's mood determine yours. If you are having a good day and trying to be lighthearted, don't let your crabby teen bring you down.
Turns out there is actually a website (detachewithlove.com) that further expounds on this:
Detachment is the ability to allow people the freedom to be themselves. It is the ability to hold back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational. It is the ability to develop and maintain a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
Detaching is a process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering - and to place all things in life into a health, rational perspective.
Very good words.
So tonight, even though Carter had insisted this morning he would have no time to go out to eat for a pre-birthday dinner (since there is baseball tomorrow), he decided at the last minute to accompany Jim, Lukas and me to Applebee's.
Both boys ordered a Cowboy Burger, topped with bacon, "haystack" onions, cheese curds, I think, and I don't know what else.
Lukas did not even know where to start. He knew his mouth wasn't big enough to take a full bite, but he managed to finish the whole thing. He even declared it his favorite meal in America so far. Welcome to the Clean Plate Club!
Now the tradition at Applebee's is that if it is your birthday, they will sing to you and give you a ginormous ice cream sundae. I surprised Carter with this a few years ago when he was younger and appreciated my efforts more. Tonight, I secretly mentioned to the waitress that it is Carter's birthday tomorrow but we were celebrating early.
Yes, part of me wanted to push Carter's buttons. But the other part wanted Lukas to see this American restaurant tradition. Turns out there were a lot of birthdays tonight. And Lukas got to see and hear the birthday song three times before it got to Carter! He said it was neat to see since he had only seen it in movies.
Carter, of course, won't forgive me. But at least I got a few spoonfuls of ice cream before it was all gone. So he can't dislike me THAT much!
Right??
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1 comment:
Wow. very powerful words. Do they tell you how to detach? Then I may find help for myself. Thanks as always Loving Sister for your words of insight.
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