Memory Triggers

I don't really believe in coincidences. Most things or thoughts happen for a reason.

Just yesterday I was explaining to someone at work (who's married to an identical twin) how different fraternal twins look. I said my twin looks like our mom and I look like my dad. And showed him the picture above as evidence. Funny that he said, "Oh see it in the eyes." Yup, we call those teeny eyes "Hedberg eyes" for a reason!

I had said it'll be 5 years in May since Dad died. Because of all this crazy winter-like weather, I hadn't realized consciously that we were in the time period when it all began to go downhill 5 years ago. Until this memory popped up on Facebook today...

Yup, 5 years ago today I decided the biggest gift this Vikings fan could give her dying father was for one day – and one day only – be a Packers fan. It did bring a smile to his face, as you can see.

That was the weekend we didn't know if he would make it another 2 weeks. He made it 6 more, but not knowing what the future held, I had to say my goodbyes. Just in case. It was heart wrenching. But in retrospect, such a privilege to be able to do so.

I've had so many friends lose a parent (or other family members) in the past year alone. Just know that things will get better. The first year is the toughest because every key moment and family event and holiday is the "first" without them. After a few years, the pain of grief has lessened. But I never stop thinking about him or thinking of memories.

You shouldn't either. It's all we have.

And still, no matter how much time has passed, some little thing can set off a memory. And your tear ducts.

My twin saw this record at an auction the other day. This was our dad's song. His anthem. His struggles in life and resulting blessing and gratitude summed up in words by Kris Kristofferson. Why Me was also sung at Dad's funeral.

If you've never heard it, look it up online to listen. And here are the lyrics for reference:

Why me Lord, what have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the pleasures I've known

Tell me Lord, what did I ever do
That was worth loving you
Or the kindness you've shown.

Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so
Help me Jesus I know what I am
Now that I know that I've need you so
Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.

Tell me Lord, if you think there's a way
I can try to repay
All I've taken from you

Maybe Lord, I can show someone else
What I've been through myself
On my way back to you.

Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so
Help me Jesus I know what I am
Now that I know that I've need you so
Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.

Pretty awesome, isn't it? And yes, I always cry when I hear it. Always.

And I expect as more memories "pop up" in the coming 6 weeks, I'll be shedding a few more tears.

Grief is a natural and cleansing thing. Don't ever feel you have to rush through it. Don't feel pressured to "get over it."

Keep filling that hole in your heart with memories. Then wipe away the tears, smile and feel blessed that God gave you someone special enough to find a place in your heart to begin with.