Personal Foul :: Taunting

Yesterday's Pro Bowl marked the official end of the NFL football season. That's a good thing because I may have to hire one of the referees for Lent.

Would you like to know why? Let me tell you a little bit about taunting:

According to NFL rules, any flagrant acts or remarks that deride, mock, bait or embarrass an opponent are considered taunting. Taunting of an opponent is a foul under NFL playing rules and will be called by the game officials -- a 15-yard penalty -- plus the taunting player will be fined.

In our house, the new game in town is Mommy's Curse Board and Mr. Austin is guilty of taunting. I am trying to give up swearing for Lent. I am actually keeping a tally at home and at work so I can pay the "fine" in the end. Dollars for serious infractions and dimes for lesser ones. Apparently, I should have laid out the ground rules of fair play and sportsmanship when it comes to the other members of the household. Since I have been doing relatively well (if you consider $2.80 in 5 days doing well), Jim has decided to test me. Press my buttons. Bait me. Taunt me.

For example, if we had an in-house referee, he would have thrown a serious flag on hubby while I was vacuuming this weekend. My super-reliable Dyson quit on me a few times for no reason. Oh, I mean there was a real reason, Jim was unplugging it and plugging it back in (out of sight, down the hall) to see how I'd react! Thankfully, I kept my cool ... until I found out what he was up to. Then I used sign language to demonstrate my displeasure at his flagrant foul. Now he says that "sign" should cost me a buck.

What do ya think, ref?

Love at first ...

Don't tell Jim, but I've fallen in love while he's been out of town. And I'm not completely surprised by it, either.

A group of us girls at work have been talking about "him" for months. Karen met him first and fell in love. Then Jana met him and wanted him for herself, but Sandy beat her to the punch. It seems like it took forever to arrange a meeting, but it was well worth the wait.

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with him and I experienced firsthand what all the fuss is about. Yes, it was love at first vroom ...

Vroom? Oh, did I mention I was talking about a vacuum cleaner? His name is Dyson -- and I must have him!

Just to illustrate how pathetic my life is ... I took the afternoon off yesterday to "test drive" Karen's Dyson. She's got the animal control model and has been raving about its suction power. She was right. I think I sucked up 8 cats worth of cat hair yesterday.

As impressive as that is, it's also disgusting to think we were walking on what I thought was clean carpet. That darn cat! Since we're on speaking terms these days, I scolded her about shedding so much. But she offered no apology. Typical.

So I guess if we're going to keep her, I'll have to get me one of those incredibly high-priced Dysons. I'm sure I'm - I mean SHE's -- worth it!