A-maize-ing Friends

Work has been full of changes and severe adjustments lately that have caused me more than a moment of stress. But then you have that one co-worker who you've known since a previous job 20+ years ago, and they can turn your day around.

I love puns and my first thought was "Boy, I wish I could share this one with my mom. She'd LOVE this!" 

It really did help me get through another day of too many meetings (the new culture I'm moving into, apparently) and too little time to write (you know, my actual job). 

Not having the easiest time adjusting to changes but I love and appreciate having "a-maize-ing" friends who have my back. 

Unfortunately, my focus right now is buying the right lottery tickets so we can both retire right now. We're so close. But that extra little bit (it doesn't have to be a billion) will push us over to the edge. Of happiness. 

Oh, Mom and Grandma J, please work your luck from heaven!!

Life Detours

There's two seasons in Wisconsin – Blaze Orange and Orange Barrels. If you know, you know. 

Even though I'm facing a detour on my commute the next 7 months, I didn't realize we'd get simultaneous major detours in life. My family has had quite the orange barrel season the past month.

The good news is that my mom is out of the hospital. Yay! But she is going to the nursing home section of the same hospital. She's having a positive attitude, so that's good. It will be different to visit her where Dad was living in his last days. I hope that she's there much longer than Dad was.

The other good news is that my sister Rachel had some 8 hours in surgery today and she survived just fine. Hopefully, that means her left elbow and foot are fixed. The last of all those broken bones. Praise the Lord! 

I guess when we see how much work HAS to be done, we sometimes have to remember that we have to trust it will be done. Maybe not on the timeline we wish for, but it will be done. 

Thanks for all the prayers for my family. But we still need them. I can't imagine what it will be like when Rachel tries to take her first steps when both legs have injuries. Just like I can't imagine what Mom will go through the first time she wants to bake something or tend to all her African violets.

We'll need prayers for just a bit longer as we navigate these detours. Thank you!

The Other One

As much as I love and respect the often-repeated Serenity Prayer, I liked this "other" version of it the minute I saw it today.

For me, it could just end at "serenity to stop beating myself." Doesn't matter the reason. I do it too often because I allow others to have the power to make me feel like I'm not good enough. That I'm the idiot. I'm the failure. I'm worthless.

I don't love myself enough to stop it. I should say I didn't love myself but am working to change that.

That's what I like about this prayer. ... The courage to forgive myself because I'm working on doing better. And, I might add, the recognition that it is a process and we make progress, but it never ends.

Seriously, that is why I am always so apologetic for my existence. When I say, "Sorry, I'm trying to change" or "I'm working to get better at that," it just points out I haven't mastered whatever "it" is that I am working on. Therefore confirming, in my mind, I am a failure.

That is why it takes so much courage to forgive ourselves for trying. It's actually quite bold to love ourselves for the people we are, knowing there may be a long journey to the people we want to become.

And, the final portion, acknowledging that God loves me just the way I am... no matter my progress or lack of it. No matter others' opinions of me or societal standards. No matter how many times I've tried to be that "better" person and failed.

Having that wisdom. That's a huge deal.

I'm glad I stumbled upon this prayer today. I needed that reminder that even if I have a long way to go, I have actually come a long way, too. And I am good enough right where I am.

Not going to stop the journey. Just pulling into a rest area to get my bearings.

Those Hesitant First Steps

Have you ever been scared to death to do something, but after you found the courage to do it, you were so glad you did? Have you ever been too scared to take that first step and later regretted you didn't even try? Or, like Thoreau, discovered you really hadn't lived?

Tonight was week 4 of our church book study on If You Want to Walk on Water You've Got to Get Out of the Boat by John Ortberg.

We talked about walking on water – in the sense we have bravely taken a first step out of our "boats" toward something new or different or challenging. And, conversely, when we stayed in the comfort of the boat because we lacked the courage, namely faith, to dip a toe in the water.

Taking any first step will result in change. Something will change. Maybe for the good, maybe for the bad. Maybe only minor. But nothing will be the same again after you take that first step.

And that's why we don't always do it.

Speaking for myself, I know fear holds me back. If it's a big decision or what I perceive as a big change, there's risk involved. Do I focus on what I might lose instead of what I might gain? Do I imagine failing easier than picturing success? Do I worry about getting hurt rather than contemplate the joy it may bring to me or others?

The book talks about 4 "prompts" that get us walking (or at least taking a first step or two):

• Fear: God often wants us to get out of boat at our moments of fear so we can overcome them.
• Frustration: We grow tired of the world or some situation and know we have to count on a greater Being to improve it.
• Compassion: What can we do for others in need? Maybe a strong surge of compassion is how God will indicate He wants you to walk on water.
• Prayer: We pray because we are aware of what we cannot accomplish without God's help.

And this brings us to the Bob Challenge...

In the book, the author gives an interesting example of prayer. A man named Bob happened to pray about Kenya for 6 months and those prayers started working – providing him with unique opportunities to help people, spread God's word and deepen his own faith.

The author challenges us to do the same. Find something to diligently pray about for 6 months and see what transpires. Our book study group is going to do it. We'll make a point of meeting around January 6 to see if anything came about as a result of our prayers. We fully expect God may not provide answers on our timeline, but it will still be an interesting experiment. If nothing else, we've got more than a dozen people engaging in closer talks and walks with God, right?

I still have to decide what or whom I will focus on. I have so many people on my prayer list right now. I'm not going to stop praying for them but will have to determine where my enhanced focus will lie.

Are you up for the Bob Challenge? Try our risk-free offer! You don't have to walk on water or get wet. But praying for others instead of thinking of yourself might force you to take a look at your boat. Is it a good place to be?

Or will you discover you aren't really living?

A Complete Stop

There's a well-traveled intersection in our township where there is often an extra set of eyes watching to see if vehicles make complete stops. Believe me. I know 2 people who have been ticketed for the ol' rolling stop at 48th and Wazeecha.

The friendly officer's advice (to my girlfriend, not me, I swear): "If you want to make sure you've come to a complete stop, look at the road ahead of you. If it's not moving, you're stopped."

Good advice. I now at least pause for a count of 3 before continuing on.

I came across this stop sign at the end of a dead-end (obviously) today. If you disobey this sign, even with a "rolling" stop, you'll find yourself in Wisconsin's largest lake!

I wondered why there was a sign at the water's edge, but I suppose it was erected for winter so motorists would stop and check out the ice thickness before venturing further onto Lake Winnebago. On the first day of spring, though, that didn't come to mind. Instead, seeing this within minutes of a visit at the nearby prison, I found it symbolic. Wouldn't it be great if the signs to stop on the path we're headed were as obvious? Keep going and you're going to be in hot, er freezing cold, water. Or stop, turn around and go a different direction.

I think the "signs" are there, but we ignore them, acknowledge them with a rolling stop maybe and keep going.

I had quite a good visit with my nephew Tony around this theme. He is getting to the point in his unplanned journey where he will be traveling in the next few months from one set of walls to another, in a more rehabilitative setting. Then, several more months down the road, no walls.

No more guard rails, so to speak.

It's not going to be any easy road. I know that. I have traveled on it many times. Sometimes as the one in the driver's seat, trying to keep control of the vehicle, aka my life. Other times serving as the guard rail, trying to help someone else get back on track.

I feel blessed that I live near enough to Tony's temporary home so that I have been able to see him, support him, share my experience, strength and hope, and pray for his safe journey. He could always use more prayers, though. 

Sometimes those STOP signs show up out of nowhere and we don't see them until it's too late. Please pray he has the strength to proceed with caution.

We could all use that reminder sign from time to time, couldn't we?

Moving Forward

It's not uncommon at this time of year to reflect on the past 365 while looking forward. It doesn't have to be New Year's to make an effort to move forward, but sometimes it just works out that way.

Today our church finally took a step forward. We have been without a pastor for nearly 18 months. We have had substitutes, long-term and short-term interim pastors, and special guests to cover that time space while a transition committee worked on a mission statement and the call committee searched for and interviewed candidates.

This morning we had a special congregational meeting to consider extending a call to a candidate the call committee was pretty excited about. We had just shy of 100 members there and it was nearly a unanimous vote!

It just feels good to know we may be moving forward to some stability and consistency – and hopefully growth in many forms at our church.

This afternoon, I also change in motion.

I went over to Winnebago to visit my nephew. Each time I see him, he is more upbeat and positive, and I am more encouraged that he is truly turning his life around. When he finally is "free," he does not want to go back to his old life, his old habits, his old demons. He has plans and goals now. May God give him the strength to keep them!

I would love to add that am also moving forward and sticking with positive, healthy changes. But... two out of three ain't bad. Let me get back to you on New Year's.

In the meantime, I've got a game to catch to see if my team will keep moving forward this season. SKOL and good luck to you, too, in your efforts to move forward!

Door to Door

It is often said that when God closes a door, He opens a window. I think in my case, He just bypassed a window and knocked out a new door.

Literally and figuratively.

Figuratively, I have been thrown through a wide open portal and into a scary new work world. I know everything new takes time to adjust to so I am reminding myself to be patient and not worry about the alphabet soup (how many new acronyms??) I am drowning in.

By coincidence, I am deadlining on a freelance project so I have just been wiped out this week, as you may have noted by my lack of blogging. I still remain very positive and am especially excited about the literal new door that has opened, too.

Our front door has been in sad shape for years. Our biggest frustration – for us and guests – was that the sliding screen door refused to stay on track so would be difficult to open, sometimes falling off the track entirely. Probably didn't help that over the years a few people walked right through it. But still, there was something on the bottom, metal track that was crooked or something and it denied us a smooth opening.

We decided this spring we'd order a new door and get it installed while Carter was in Germany so we could surprise him. Well, that was our schedule, not our contractor's. He finally was available to show up today!

So before I even left for work, I had super clean windows... or lack of windows or a door! They got to work right away.

When I got home, I was greeted to a new door! We'll have some painting to do to match a few things up, but it looks nice AND guess what?

Look at that screen door slide closed!! It will be so nice to have the screen letting breezes in – and not the bees and flies. Kitty approves!

Seriously, I wonder how long I can keep these windows this clean. Maybe God isn't expecting that. He just opens a window, doesn't say we have to wash it.

I'm pretty sure with the big new door He opened for me that He just wants me to walk through one step at a time and enjoy the sunshine.

Yeah, let's go with that.

Transitions

Our household is in a state of transition -- and I'm not just talking about our ripped-up bathroom that better transition into something soon. All three of us embarked on a different chapter of our lives today. Nothing earth-shattering. Just signals of changing times.

Jim worked from home and joined the old "gang" at lunch. This was the first time without their friend Davey, who died last month. Just won't be the same any more. I'm sure they probably spent some of the time talking about him and most of the time missing him. I am quite sure Davey will always be there in spirit.

My transition is more a sign of aging, I guess. I picked up my new "night driving" glasses. Yay. While it is good that I can see better, I'm just less than thrilled that my eyes are progressing to that stage. Next it will be my hearing. And before you know it, I'll be wearing Mom Jeans. Gasp!

Carter's transition was thrilling for him and a bit of a bittersweet moment for me. After 14 years of getting his hair cut -- and usually buzzed with the clipper -- by Mom, he went to a hair "artist" today for the first time. Ever. Trust me, I had to hold back the urge to take photos. Ha. That's just the scrapbooking mom in me.

The hair-cutting mom will miss being needed. But he wants something more, shall we say, trendy now. Ms. Tina did a fine job and she definitely has a new fan in Carter. I like how it looks, too. And at some point, he may even give me permission to take a picture!

The only family member who didn't have to cope with a change today was Sylvester. According to Jim, she has been on the same chair for 6 hours now. Eventually, she may make her way to the food dish or litter box.

I hope she can handle the transition as well as we did!

On the Ledge

No one needs to explain to me what it means to talk someone off the ledge. On the contrary, I usually need to be coaxed on to the ledge.

Then I wonder how I got there... and how I can get off before my heart stops beating in fear. Fear of heights, fear of falling, fear of the unknown.

While cruising around northern Vermont with our distant cousins, we stopped at a little wide spot in the road because they wanted us to see a pretty waterfall. I'm sure I was out of the car with my camera faster than I can type this sentence. I climbed up rocks and got to a flat spot that I knew was going to allow us a nice view of the waterfall.

Only problem is, there was an edge to the rocks. And I was pretty sure the world dropped a million feet down from there. I inched forward for a step or two but suddenly felt too tall. Too far off the safety of the ground. So I sort of crawled close to the edge, breathing deeply and going slowly -- as to not shake the Earth off its axis.

Did you think I was kidding?? I really never did get close to the edge. But hubby not only got a pitiful shot of his wife, he also got the waterfall.

He's so brave! He's my hero! I obviously feel safer at the bottom of the waterfall, closer to ground level!

But yet, I still allow myself to get too close to the edge sometimes and wonder how I got there. I think it is my nature to go full steam ahead. The problem is that when you get to an "edge," you don't have much time to stop before going over.

I've been doing that lately. Cruising along at a good clip, feeling pretty good about where life is taking me, when I turn a sharp corner and bam! I am slapped with some major "unknowns." I am teetering at the edge and not sure what is beyond it. It's scary. I can't step backwards because it is not an option. I'm not brave enough to step forward either. Not at this point. I sort of have to wait, patiently, not looking down but hoping either a bridge magically appears before me or, at a minimum, hubby takes my hand.

I can't rely on him to always be the brave one, though.

When we stopped to see what is called the Ausable Chasm in New York, we sauntered out onto this bridge to see this big "crack" in the wall of rock. As soon as we both looked over the edge, we both jumped back and just about passed out. Whoa, vertigo! It was so far down, we couldn't even get close to the side of the bridge to take a picture looking down!

This is as close as I got. Can you see the tiny scenic overlook on the other side? Those people are insane!

We just kept walking across the bridge -- thankfully a very sturdy one -- and I went over to look on the other side. Hubby stayed where he was. Until I called him over to see the pretty surprise.

Sometimes we need to quit squeezing our eyes shut in fear and see what is right in front of us. Maybe it's not so bad!

I will think of these beautiful pictures as we hang out on the ledge and wait to see what transpires. We don't know what God has planned for us.

But we do know He hasn't allowed us to fall yet!

Hmm, Didn't See That Comin'

Every once in awhile life throws you a little curve ball. Thank the Lord it's rarely anything more serious than adjusting to a new Facebook page.

For those of you not a social networking participant or addict... It seems the powers that be just changed Facebook and its functioning just for the sake of changing it. While I have taken special classes to learn how to embrace change, I really don't like change for the sake of change. Not when I don't see it coming. And not when it's the first thing I am dealing with at breakfast.

But, as my serenity prayer notes, I need to just accept it because frankly, there is nothing I can control about this. And yes, frankly, there are so many more important things going on than updating my status.

As I tell my blessed hubby, there is never a shortage of people to pray for! I have friends who have sick moms and grandmas and some who are sick themselves. I have a friends whose in-laws just lost their home and all belongings to a fire. I have a teeny tiny great-nephew who needs some extra strength in this new world. I have loved ones grieving the loss of other loved ones.

Am I living a charmed life? No. God could send something my way tomorrow that I don't see coming. But He also will give me the strength to deal with it.

In the meantime, He'll just test me once in awhile just to see if I am paying attention... Like tonight when I picked Carter up from football practice and saw his pinky finger taped up. I didn't even get time to worry. I just asked what happened, assuming I'd hear of a football injury following some extreme act of bravery or athletic prowess. Instead, I hear: "Oh I just cut my finger on (male classmate's) long fingernails when we were both grabbing for the last cookie in homeroom."

Yep, I'm probably due.

Winds of Change

Talk to any resident of Wisconsin about the weather on a warm summer day and, without a doubt, they'll be tuned into the heat index. If they are wiping sweat off their brow, they'll tell you, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." Yes, we can tell the difference.

So, too, on a winter day, we amateur meteorologists can assess not only the temperature but the windchill factor. In fact, it becomes a source of bragging rights. And sometimes makes the national news.

Today, we probably will again. In the first time since I don't know when, pretty much every school in Wisconsin is closed today. And this time it's not due to some snow-dumping blizzard. It's just too darn cold!

We actually knew by the time we picked up Carter at the sitter's last night that school was already called off for today. They expected temps to drop to the minus teens or so and windchills to approach 35-45 below. And dang it, they were right.

We took Carter over to Jim's sister's last night and her son will watch him today. That gave us the chance to come into work early today. (Small rewards for the sick-minded.) I am on a mission to get stuff done today just in case we get a re-run tomorrow and I can be on day watch.

The good thing about most weather patterns is that they tend to come from the west, so whatever my dear friends and family suffer through in Minnesota usually arrives on our door step 24 hours later with a pretty pink bow on it! I guess it's kind of good. We are never truly caught off-guard. No complete surprises.

Wouldn't that be great if it worked that way in life, too? We saw everything coming. Knew when the humidity was going to skyrocket in the summer. Knew when there was going to be a shift in the winds that would plunge the temperature -- or, more literally, change the course of our lives. The weatherman could say, "And Robyn Austin will be in for a major change today..." And we could prepare.

We've had a lot of changes at work lately. A definite changing weather pattern. We feared it was another storm brewing. And for some, it was. For me, the winds came alright. But they didn't blow me away or cause any damage. They just steered me in a new direction. One I hope has more warm, sunny days than arctic blasts. But there are no guarantees with Mother Nature, are there?

Discovery Channels

We observed Columbus Day yesterday. Not really observed I guess. We opened the mailbox, saw it was empty and said, "Ahh, that's right. It's Columbus Day."

Last night I was helping Carter with social studies and we were reading about Columbus, Leif Eriksson and the Vikings, all living in a time when the Americas were still an "unknown land." We weren't even on the map! Europeans, fearing sea monsters and such (I swear this was in the reading), were too afraid to go beyond their borders and explore. Thank goodness someone finally did.

A few days ago, we learned that the company I work for is "restructuring" -- you know, realigning businesses within the business so they make sense, etc. In a word, this means: CHANGE. Again. I remarked to my boss (perhaps with a note of sarcasm) that it figures I have had the same job for almost a year now so it must be time for a change!

Obviously, to be successful these days, we as a company have to keep evolving to respond to the marketplace, to consumer needs and demands, to the economy. For me, though, it means I am once again in an "unknown land," bordered by the countries of Anxiety, Uncertainty and Excitement. Will I let my fears get the best of me like the Europeans in the 15th century? Or will I find that Viking deep inside (I know in my purple and yellow heart, there's one there) and go exploring this unknown land?

Who knows -- I may discover I want to live there! As is often the case, once I get past the initial trepidation, I survive the transition, embrace the change and wonder how I ever did things any other way. Let's hope this new voyage follows a similar path.

Serenity now!

It's been a pretty dry summer. Our lawn is patchy with 6-inch weeds some places and brown spots in others. In Door County this weekend, there was a campfire ban on the island and one of the golf courses had places where I hit off of dirt.

I'm experiencing a different kind of drought, too. My "well" of patience and tolerance has run dry!

It's just been one of those weeks where I want the world to grow up, act its age, be responsible, care, share, give back. It's such a small request, isn't it?

I've had a discouraging few days where in my "service" work, I am running into people who don't want to volunteer (always the same people doing all the work) and in my "work" work, I am running into people who don't want to work (always the same people doing all the work).

I guess the frustrating part is that I am one of those "same people." I am reminded that I don't have to be. I don't have to say "yes" to every opportunity. But I think if I am responsible and capable at this point in my life, I should say yes. I should help. I should give back.

What I also have to remind myself is that others are better at saying "no." And I can't change that ... or them.

Have you heard of the Serenity Prayer? "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I say that prayer every day. Partly because I am a manager, partly because I am a mother, partly because I am a wife, and mainly because I'm human. My shortened version of the prayer is: "Serenity now!" (I got that one from Seinfeld and I love it.)

I do feel better when I say it/think it. I know I cannot change anyone. I can only change how I react to them. Just writing about it now is helping me. I am in a better place already.

I still may need to do a rain dance so I can fill up my well of patience and tolerance. I should also top off my wells of gratitude, unselfishness, commitment ... thankfully (for everyone who has to "deal" with me lately) I see clouds on the horizon.