OMMG (Oh Mother Memories, Goodness!)

My cousin shared this picture of my mom and of a Facebook "memory" from about 7 years ago. This is what she wrote then and why I miss my momma every day...

"Had a spontaneous visit with my Aunt Marlys. Davis and I were driving by and saw her out in the yard tending to her flowers. It was nice to visit for a few minutes. She told Davis how she remembered the day he was born. His Uncle Lloyd was painting her house at the time and got a call that Davis has arrived. 

She also told of how when she was little her teacher asked the students to pick milk weed pods to help support the war effort. She said she went home and picked two gunny sacks full. “Daddy had to take me to school that next Monday because I couldn’t carry them”.  I guess they were used to make parachutes and life preservers. 

Marlys said the teacher mentioned that she should have offered an award for the student who brought the most. She said, “ I thought - ‘that’s right, she should have’...”. That was probably the start of her efforts to help others.  Marlys should start recording all her memories - such a sweetheart!"

I definitely remember that Mom collected all that milk weed. It was an intriguing story. But I don't think that was when I realized that Mom was so competitive. I think we all inherited that. Well me with BINGO etc.

Just remember that no matter what you think or learn from your mother, appreciate it! If she is not here, you'll appreciate one minute with her for a story or a memory!

Mom Vibes

Before I get into my blog ... I picked up these unusual and gorgeous roses after work for a friend who's had some rough emotional times over the past several days. If you love them like I do, get to Metro Market in Plover. I don't do endorsements, but I'm just sharing because I couldn't stop staring. So pretty!

I did have flowers on the mind already today because we're closing in on the anniversary death of my mother, who loved flowers – and could keep them alive!

So today I dressed in homage to Mom. Purple shirt (her favorite color) and my "new" floral pants from Goodwill! The crocheted necklace I'm wearing is one I found in her jewelry box while we were cleaning out her apartment. 10-to-1 odds it was something she got at a thrift store or garage sale! Oh, I am my mother's daughter, ha. 

Still, it worked.

(Sorry I took it in a restroom at work. Needed a full-length mirror!)

Two years ago today was a Monday. I had spent the weekend Up North visiting Mom in the hospital and had no idea when she beat me at cards that it would be the last time she'd be the winner. And the last time I'd get an "I love you" and hug goodbye.

She was 100% interactive and alert. 

Three days later, though, when I raced back up there on May 22, she was unresponsive and my "I love you" and hug goodbye were one-sided. She passed away by the time I got back to Wisconsin Rapids that evening.

May and June are tough. Because sandwiched in between Mother's Day and Father's Day are the anniversaries of my parents' deaths. Then throw in Memorial Day. I recently mentioned Dad was quite a patriot and respected the flag so much... and he actually died on a Memorial Day. 

Uff da. 

Just reminds me that Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas aren't the only holidays that can hit hard for those who grieve. 

If you're not an adult orphan yet (and lucky you), please don't waste time on grudges or silly misunderstandings that might come between you and your parents. Embrace them, treasure them, and thank them for being there.

So many of us wish we could do the same!

Second Time Around

Today was mama's second birthday in heaven! A couple things occurred to me. First, she looks amazing for a 94-year-old, doesn't she? Second, how can it be almost two years already since we lost her?

As much I loved Dad and dearly miss him, Mom is the one I keep thinking of calling up to tell her about a good pun I heard, brag about my win at BINGO, or suggest we watch Wheel of Fortune over the phone together. And this is every day. 

While talking to a coworker today who lost her mom within weeks of mine, we both commented how this was still our current reality. I said, "Lucky us! Look how blessed we are to have had these relationships!"

There was a time I would never say we're cut from the same cloth. But then I grew up and learned appreciation. And recognized similarities. We both love the clever humor, the correct use of the English language, creative writing, and definitely, as mentioned yesterday, the need to make putzy desserts. 

She'll be proud to see I came home with an empty trifle dish today! Me too if I ever want to look like her in this photo! That gene never hit me.

Cherish your loved ones while they're here! 💖

A Not-So Trifle Tuesday

How can it be only Tuesday when it's been a whirlwind week at work already? Monday was crazy because I worked from home in the morning, then had to be in the office in the early afternoon (I was accidentally a stunt double for myself plus a hand model, LOL), then back home before an end-of-day meeting.

With the caveat that I needed to log off in time for my VIP meeting with my hair artist!

I don't know how the timing all worked out to my favor, but it did! 

But in the midst of all this, Boy Wonder (aka Mr. Smooth) was going to call us at an appointed time for a "chat." This meant all kinds of scenarios in the brains of Papa and Mama Smooth – from general "catch-up" convo to marriage proposal. I mean, who knows?

We were thrilled to learn that the sentence that started with "We have news..." ended with his girlfriend securing a full-time job in the fashion industry with Maurices. Guess where their headquarters are? Way the heck up in Duluth of all places. Who knew?

So today while I was "working" I had to dedicate some time to reach out to any and all Duluth connections to guide these young professionals in their housing situation. Sketchy versus good neighborhoods, etc. Got lots of information and where to and where not to go, and a few rental bites. But we're working on it.

I say "we" though they didn't ask me and might not want my intervention. But there comes a point in life you know people in a lot of places, and if you did them good, they'll do you a solid too. So we'll see.

Tonight my one task was a birthday trifle for my supervisor, who shares a birthday with my mom. I can't ever let this NOT happen because I'm sure she's up in heaven saying, "Yes, for me, you must do a putzy, layered dessert to earn the adoration of your club / neighbors / friends / co-workers."

On it, Mom!

This one: Chocolate brownies, topped with... white chocolate pudding with peanut butter power mixed in, then... diced up Nutty Buddy bars, and the top... whipped cream with mini Reese's PB Cups on top.

I do have to call out it took me 5 stores to find the Reese's THINS these days.. Festival Foods for the win. Just needed to cut them half for one outside layer around the bowl.

I think my "be sure to make this a putzy, layered dessert" is accomplished.

Continue to guide me on these important quests, Mama! 💗

 

My Summer Daughters

 

Life has been so busy that I haven't been able to update you on my summer daughters. Well, let's just call them interns since that's what they were.

This week was super quiet because our two interns were gone. Their last day was this past Friday and it didn't seem real until we were in the office and realized, dang, we miss them.

Well of course we are in marketing so we could get a picture of them with our team before they were gone. Looking at this picture, they are on the left end of the seated row – Grace and Melanie.

And naturally, we are such a "fun department" we had to have a fun group pose!

It was a fulfilling summer for me because I was the "official" mentor for Grace, our writing intern on our marketing team. If you ask, pretty much everyone will label me as the "mother hen" or "team mother" so I love this. 

And she was great. And she left such a heart-warming thank-you note on my desk so I knew that my efforts were worth it. 

My take away was this: Never underestimate the power you have to make someone feel welcome, valued, and incredibly talented. Sometimes they just need to hear it from someone new. Be the person that says what they haven't heard before!

More About The Dash

Our inspirational speaker the other day included the often read-at-funerals poem entitled "The Dash." I'm sure you've all heard it. (If not, Google it.) It’s a poem about the little dash symbol, often seen on funeral pamphlets or on gravestones, between the date of the person’s date of birth and date of their death. When reflecting on a person's entire life, the dash looks quite small. But when reflecting on everything that happened during that dash, it can represent so much.    

For those still living – like us working stiffs in the audience – it’s a reminder how we should focus on how we wish to spend our life. 

And for those still living – and still grieving – it hit hard. I was sitting at the same table as a work friend who just lost his dad last week. I couldn't make eye contact. We were both feeling it.

 

Then today, since the gloomy, rainy weather prohibited any outdoor activity I enjoy, I worked on some stuff for my soon-to-be niece's bridal shower. I needed a foam core poster board for a sign and this is the first thing I pulled out. The picture boards from my mom's funeral.

Uff da. 

Can I ever not tear up? I mean it's been 14+ months but it seems many times like it could've been just last week.

I guess I should look at Momma's dash and learn from it. So much life. Impacting so many. I need to start adding some depth to mine.

But I might need a few tissues before I get started.

Playing Through

It was probably appropriate that the first night of ladies golf league started today, on the one-year anniversary of my mom's death. Because I really needed the distraction!

I actually worked from home today because I had graduation practice this morning (Stop on the X and smile tomorrow!) and figured it would take too much drive time for me to be productive at work. I also predicted that since I did not handle my first Mother's Day well (or not at all) that I'd be a hot mess.

All of this was mostly true.

As I posted this photo today, I said... 365 days without you, Mom. That's 365 moments I've wanted to call you with a funny pun, solve a Wheel of Fortune puzzle together, wanted to play cards with you, wanted to hug you. What I wouldn't give for one on those childhood walks in the woods with you! 

I guess 6 of my 7 siblings got together Up North to honor Mom over dinner. But my one sister was traveling and I didn't get enough notice to travel 4 hours to meet them. 

Again, that's why it's good I had golf league with a friend and we played "against" 2 other friends of mine. They knew my head-space and were supportive. We won't talk about my golf score. There seems to be a pattern of my sucking big time on "Mom" days.

I'm guessing my angel momma is looking over me for far bigger issues! Love and miss you! 💔

Oh, Mother!

 

Upon awakening, I was confident I could get through this first Mother'sDay without my momma. I wore my own "Mother's Necklace" and my mom's "Mother's Ring" to church. 

But I confess. I was sobbing before I left the driveway. So much for being strong! When I got to church, thank goodness my friend Kelly, also experiencing her first Mother's Day without her mom, gave me half her tissues. Because you know, every reading and song (and that dang Mother's Day video) will remind you of Mom!

God, bless my amazing husband for trying to keep me positively occupied all day!

Got home from church and this adorable balloon was floating in the kitchen...

Anchored by these gorgeous flowers! I was going to say Tulips but the last time I called flowers that, this black-thumbed momma was corrected. So let's just call them beautiful.

After asking me yesterday where I wanted to enjoy a Mother's Day brunch, I had a few places in mind. But then, on our drive home, we remember Two Lakes is open on Sundays now. One check to see if today counted and we were on our way.

They had a special Mother's Day menu but all I cared was that they now serve their beyond amazing Coconut Shrimp every day. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Later this afternoon, we ventured over to TriCity for some Mother's Day golf. 

I love that all of us Foxy Mamas could golf. But it didn't take long for me to realize my spirit wasn't in it. Nothing spoils that good walk like bad – or in my case, sad – attitude. We did have some fun. But I was dropping tears more often than I was dropping putts.

A year ago, all 8 of us R's gathered to clean out Mom's apartment since she was actually excited to move into the nursing home part of the hospital in Grantsburg. She was excited to have a roommate, too, after living by herself since Dad died 10+ years earlier. We were happy for her acceptance about moving out of her apartment. And really thought we'd be seeing her in the home for quite some time.

The quick, downward slide of her health after Mother's Day shocked me and devastated me. 

While it officially hasn't been 365 days since Mom's passing, nothing impacts me more than missing her today – Mother's Day. 

My only saving grace really, is that I got to hug the one flesh-and-blood baby that is mine yesterday. 💜

Happy Mother's Day to all of you missing your mom for the first (or many) time. And to you who have kids, wanted children, lost babies, act as an inspiration to a young person, or serve as a mentor to ANYONE. This day belongs to all of us. 

No shame. Embrace the love!

In the Blink of an Eye

Pardon any photos that might be too graphic. A year ago today my sister Rachel was on her way to Easter weekend services at church in Minnesota when an approaching car crossed the center line and hit her head-on. 

When fire department personnel and paramedics arrived, it took an hour for them to extract her and her passenger (friend Brian) with the hopes that at least one of them – hopefully both – would survive. Honestly, it was touch and go. The med flight from the accident scene to the Twin Cities included some emergency blood transfusions just to keep Rach alive.

Brian had a fractured pelvis and a shorter, but still painful, hospitalization and recovery. For my sister, there were literally months of time in the ICU at Regions Hospital where we all took turns visiting – and you, my prayer warriors, were with me on those journeys. Thank you!

Three months after the accident, Rachel could finally return home. But it was during that time that my mom had her own home accident and ended up in a nursing home, then hospital, then passed away. We waited until Rachel was able to attend a funeral – months later – and that's where that top photo is from. All of us together – and our wardrobes giving a nod to Mom's love of flowers.

Today, Rachel is not out of the woods. She's fighting an infection from some of her new internal hardware. And, once that's clear, needs to have major surgery on that left leg that didn't heal at the correct angle.

What I've learned from this is that we can never take even the tiniest of moment of our lives for granted. Never take your family, your friends, your job, your health, your home, the air you breathe for granted. Life can change in the blink of an eye!

I also learned that when I reach out to friends and family – even strangers, there is an army of prayer warriors just waiting to support us, whether they've met my sister or not.

We so appreciate all of you for not only praying during the immediate crisis, but continually asking "How is your sister?" It means the world to all of us. And God is definitely listening. 

In turn, I pray none of you have to go through anything remotely as stressful and painful as this. Treasure each minute of each day!

The First Birthday Without You

This is the first time in my entire life that I could not wish my mom "Happy Birthday" via phone, card, or in person. It hurts.  

When we celebrated her birthday last year and she was smiling and enjoying her cake, we had no idea this was her last birthday. Never take your parents for granted!

And of course, just like 3 days before she died in May, she was a card-playing wizard!

Her youngest grandson happened to beat her that day, yet she still smiled because anytime with children and grandchildren was so treasured.

Of course I am crying as I type this because we just never know when it's the last time we are all "normal." We could never have predicted that the next weekend – Easter – would include a head-on collision that nearly claimed my sister's life and that a few weeks later my mom would fall and that signaled enough problems to end her life.

I appreciate that Mom can finally celebrate a birthday in heaven with Dad. But knowing how her birthday was the beginning of the end is a tough pill to swallow. 

Don't feel bad for me. I just ask that if you have one or two parents still alive that you treasure them!

Girls' Getaway

There were many times this spring when we wondered if we'd have our 26th annual sister weekend this fall with all 7 of us sisters. By the grace of God, we could.

Since we had to wait some time to know if our sister Rachel was OK first, then OK to walk in some fashion second, we waited to find a place for a getaway. What ended up working was a few days in the middle of the week rather than a weekend. 

In November.

So I found (via VRBO) a huge house in the Twin Cities area that had a first-floor bedroom for Rachel, plus plenty of dining and relaxing space also on the first floor. As a bonus, we all got our own bedrooms and queen beds – except my twin and I sharing the master suite.

And here's one view of that master suite. A king-size bed plus a couch and two chairs for relaxing or visiting, then a huge bathroom with a jacuzzi tub and shower and walk-in closet as big as my home office. Wow. We were willing to share.

This was one of the nice living room/gathering spaces.

It was very nice and perfect since we didn't need to go anywhere and sight-seeing. We've all been to the Cities a bajillion times! The sad part was that this was our first down-time where we could talk through Rachel's tragic accident and miraculous recovery – and grieve Mom. What a year!

Somehow a bunch of childhood pictures came out of the woodwork...

Yes, me being a clown. Not far from my personality 50 years later!

Me around kindergarten age loving on one of our barn cat kitties that we never seemed to keep.

My sister Rachel helping me walk. And then decades later me having to help her walk after her accident. A sad but victorious twist!

Just hamming it up before there were selfies.

I had never seen this picture of my twin Lene and I riding tricycles. 

And this one with us (I'm on the left) and Dad. Never saw that. We both cried over that one!!

Current day at Sister Weekend (aka Sister mid-week getaway)!

This year, since we were in the Twin Cities and our brother Ron lives there, we met up for dinner at a place called Junction 70 – literally 5 minutes from our VRBO rental.

Took pictures around the table... Ron and Rayna...

RoAnn and Renell...

Rachel and Raylene...

And Romey and me...

Then our cooperative R-sister waitress Rowan took a picture of all 8 R's. We just can't take that for granted! The sad part is that we can't show this picture to Mom.

And yes, I'm crying as I type this because dang, that really, really sucks.

We did, however, manage to have plenty of fun catching up, playing games (me losing at cards but winning $$$ off my sisters at dice). Everything will just sit a bit different now going forward.

I'm sure I've said it a hundred times, but hug your parents, your siblings, your kids, and any loved ones! You just don't know! 

P.S. Love ya, R sisters!

Be a Blessing

I had pretty special start to my day. I got to attend Mass at the high school. For a personal reason. 

They did their mass intention (I believe it's called) to honor my mom's memory. Yes, MY mom!

Did anyone in the school system know her? No. Did it matter that Mom (and me) are Lutheran, not Catholic? No. Did they do this because Jim and I are part of the Assumption family?

100% yes.

I felt so moved by the gesture. Especially having purple flowers (my mom's favorite) blooming in front of the school. Well done. And thanks for sharing a message of hope during the service. 

Something we can hang onto while we continue to grieve. Her memory truly is a blessing.

Different Kind of Fall Colors

Most of us love the colors of autumn. Of course, the warm hues of maple leaves come to mind first. But today, there were some different colors for me.

First of all, the faded yellow rose each of us 8 kids received at Mom's funeral a month ago. I know it's time to go out with this week's trash. But I'm grateful to feel her presence in my kitchen for a few weeks.

And while I can't keep up with what's happening on the planet, I appreciated this colorful drive home after a photo shoot tonight.

I was definitely confined to the views I could catch on the drive home. 

In fact, when I pulled over to catch this shot, helpful pickup drivers from both directions were concerned if I had car trouble since I had my flashers on. I am quite sure they had no appreciation for my answer that "I just stopped over to take a picture of the ball of fire in the sky."

Their loss, right? I mean, talk about glorious fall colors!

Of course, there was a sliver of a moon making his presence known simultaneously. No offense, Mr. Moon. I just need to soak in the shades of autumn first!

Hope you all got a glimpse of something pretty today!

Those Picture Boards

After talking (well maybe whining a little) about scanning photos and designing the picture boards for Mom's service, I thought I should share what we had on display yesterday. For the main picture boards, I  used my graphic design program to fit them to be printed out as 20- by 30-inch posters. (You can get those printed same day at Walgreens!)

This reflected Mom's growing up years with her parents and three sisters.

This was a representation of Mom and Dad's 63 years of marriage before he passed 11 years ago.

The 8 R's in the early years and then some. Plus at least one fave photo of each of us with Mom.

The treasured grandchildren!

A reflection of some of Mom's creativity and her desire to have fun!

My sister Romey also put together a board displaying some of her many fair ribbons, plus poetry and other writing samples.

We had a framed picture of one those rare moments all 10 of us were smiling at the same time!

And my brother Ron put together a picture book with very nice photos of Mom.

Like I said, I am sure she looked down and was very pleased that we took such care of representing her long and full life!

Goals, right?

P.S. I slept in today and am pretty much exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally drained. I'm sure we all are. Olympics are done so this girl is hitting the hay in short order! Have a great week!