Olds-Mobile

Ever notice jokes are a lot funnier when you aren't the butt of them? Just a quick anecdote about something that happened over my lunch hour...

Today was a Zumba day, which means I had what I call my "salsa aerobics" class at noon. I love this class! It gives me a chance to get my groove on and burn calories for an hour twice a week.

So far, there are no men in this class and the ages of women range from somewhere in the late 20s to the late 50s. Today one of the women was celebrating her 46th birthday so I was feeling like the young 'un in the class. But that didn't last long...

For the first time, we had two high-school girls join us because they didn't want to watch a movie in gym class. They were standing pretty close to me -- and I mean close, like I was concerned about taking them out on a wicked turn. They weren't keeping up very well but, granted, they were new to this. They left about 25 minutes into it because gym class was over.

Half an hour later, when the rest of us were done, I was commenting to one of my friends in the locker room that young people don't know "aerobic etiquette" (I just made that term up). I said, "Those girls were standing so close to me, I thought I was going to bang into them. They should have started another row."

Then another friend I work with (who was in the weight room while we were Zumba-ing) said, "Oh, those girls were in your class? They came in here and said, 'I don't know how those old ladies do it'!"

Old ladies?!?! Are you kidding me? I'm an "old lady" now? (Geez, I should fit right in on the Senior Bus tomorrow!)

I guess I shouldn't feel too bad. This old bag o' bones could still out-Zumba them any day!

Fluffy Tuesday

It's Fat Tuesday today so you know what that means. It's our last chance to fluff up for Lent, when our guilty consciences force us to give up all those devilish delights we hold near and dear to our hearts (and waistline).

Hubby reported the other day that McDonald's already has Shamrock Shakes (which, in my book, rate a straw above the Eggnog Shakes I covet). I looked at him with that face that says, "Don't tempt me... but if you show up at home with one, I'd drink it because I have no willpower." In response, because he can read that look, he says, "Why do you always have to be on a diet at this time of year?"

You're right. It would be heckuva lot easier if I just lost weight once and never let it find me. Trust me, no one would rather be in that position than me!

So I find myself thinking (again!) that maybe I don't have to give up everything, just watch what I eat and maybe mix up my exercising a bit to re-ignite (or just ignite) my metabolism. I do try to alternate strength and cardio but there are all kinds of options out there for both.

Have you heard about kettlebells yet? A kettlebell is a traditional Russian cast-iron weight looking somewhat like a cannonball with a handle. For some reason the kettlebell has become a popular exercise tool in the United States due largely to the efforts of some influential strength and flexibility coach. I haven't seen this trend hit central Wisconsin yet, but we're usually a bit behind the times. (Heck, there are still acid-washed jean sightings around here.)

There is another new exercise trend -- in the name of making anything work for cardio -- that has popped up here. Hula hoops! Seriously, how did they come up with this? Let's take a childhood toy that gave us pleasure and turn it into an adult instrument for torture! And idiots like me, who will try anything to justify a Shamrock Shake, are trying it!

And oh do I feel sore today. We threw in a few hoop songs into our Zumba class yesterday to see if we liked it -- or even had the skills necessary to do it, let alone like it.

You wouldn't think hooping is hard work, but I'm here to tell ya, the new hooping is not just standing around gyrating our hips. No. We have to move around, too. Keep that (weighted) hoop going while taking a few steps in any direction and ohmigosh, is that tough! It's akin to that old challenge of patting your head while rubbing your stomach. It takes way too much coordination to be successful. But I gave it a good effort. And boy did we sweat.

So yes, it does have the exertion level to qualify as cardio. And yes, it does have the calorie-burning quotient to erase guilt and justify something chilly and mint green.

Oh, don't look at me that way. It's Fat Tuesday! Today we eat, drink and be merry. For tomorrow we may diet.

The Weight Clause :: Conclusion

Since the stress level has maintained itself in 2009, I figured I was due for some good news one of these days. It wasn't looking good to start (more deadlines at work and somebody didn't make it to school again), but then I decided I wasn't going to let today get any worse. (Who knew I had such control?)

I decided no matter how my day was going, I was going to make time to get over to the fitness center and burn off some stress. My workout partner Sue and I both agreed that even if we couldn't escape work until 1 p.m., we were getting over there today. And by gosh we did.

I had all but forgotten that this week is the "weigh out" for The Weight Clause program. If you recall, we weighed in back in November and participants were required to attend 8 classes (yay, Zumba!) and then try their darnedest not to gain weight over the holidays. The reward is that if you didn't gain anything, you'd earn a $20 class punchcard for just $5 (and it could be a dollar less for each pound you lost, too. But who actually LOSES weight over the holidays?)

I knew my scale at home had shown an increase. So I indicated to Cheryl (my fitness center mentor and chief overseer of the weigh-ins) that I was going to hit the elliptical machine first, then weigh in -- just in case I could sweat something off.

Now this is where it got interesting. As I step on the machine, who should be working out next to me but "Sam I Am" -- Carter's college girlfriend (from summer Kidz Camp) home on Christmas break. I said, "Oh boy, Carter would be jealous if he knew I saw you today!" (And I was right. When I told him later, he said, "What?! No fair!")

After sweating my way through 3 miles, I got on the scale and was surprised (pleasantly so) to learn I didn't gain weight after all. Whoo-hoo! I have to celebrate the little accomplishments, right?

I told Cheryl that the reason I maintained was probably because I only had 2 eggnog shakes over the holidays -- when I really wanted 10! But that doesn't mean I'm not already thinking about Shamrock Shakes! M-m-m...

I know, I'm hopeless. (But I'm smiling.)

The Weight Clause

"While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads..."

I'm pretty sure I've never had a sugarplum. But I like those spicy red and green gumdrops at this time of year. And cookies... and candy canes... and fudge... and eggnog... It's no wonder I spend much of my Christmas vacation in sweat pants. I need that expandable waistline!

You've heard of the "Freshman 15," right? A person (usually girls, it seems) goes to college and packs on 15 pounds that first year away from home and may work the following summer (or following decade) trying to lose it. During the holiday season, many of us gain the "Fa-la-la 5." It's not really a concerted effort. There's just this stream of potlucks at work and homemade treats of all sizes, shapes and flavor dancing in our heads from Thanksgiving to New Year's. How do we not gain weight?

I am doing this program at our fitness center called "The Weight Clause." It's not a weight-loss program so much as an anti-weight-gain program. There's a few requirements (like participating in a certain number of classes) but the main gist is that you will be rewarded for not gaining weight over the holidays. If you don't gain anything, you will earn a $20 class punchcard for a mere $5. If you lose a pound, you pay only $4, etc., and if you gain a pound, the price goes up a dollar to $6 and so on. It's mainly an incentive to keep up the exercise regimen we have in place (right) over this time of fatty feasting.

Hubby told me that if I got bored on the treadmill, our cable system has some "exercise on demand" programs so I decided to try that today. I just select one and do the work out. He thought he saw something like Zumba, which is my "salsa aerobics" class, but I didn't find that exactly. Instead I found some cardio dance workout that required I dust off my old Step in the basement and set that up.

The beauty of this workout is that you can hit pause and rewind -- even though it's on cable -- in case you want to review a step. The other beauty of this is having a 10-year-old curious enough to watch so he could hold the remote and I just yelled, "Pause it!" when I needed to stop and figure out a complicated move. Of course, he had to swear he wouldn't tell anyone what a dork I looked like either.

This one was a tough workout. I think I'm going to try to master it over vacation. I just don't know how long I'll have my remote controller on the couch. Once Santa comes, I think he'll have better things to do with his time. I guess I'll keep dancing with the sugarplums on my own...

Cold SNAP!

Did you ever have one of those days that turns on a dime? You're riding the high wave when suddenly it comes crashing down, plummeting like a roller coaster, the stock market, a bungee jumper, all waiting to hit bottom so they can resume the trek upward.

That was today.

This morning at work I made the mistake of commenting that I was having a productive day, crossing things off my "to do" list.

After my Zumba class at noon, I was floating on the endorphins of exercise, feeling good about working my keester off, joking with hubby that it would be nice to cool off with an eggnog shake. He said we'd stop on the way home. Yay!

But then my day went South. Suddenly my stress factor was growing while my patience was thinning. By 3 I told hubby we better be stopping for that shake!

Then I had more crap dumped on my desk and I called Jim at 4:15 begging him to leave early so we had time to stop for a homicide-prevention shake. Yes, it had gotten that bad. Let's just say the steam coming out my ears was melting snow.

The problem was that I got called into a quick meeting right when I was set to leave so we ended up hitting the road late. No time to stop on the way home if we were going to get to the sitter's on time. We had a major "unloading" session on the way home. Only it didn't make me feel better, it got me more riled up.

I only had about 5 minutes at home before I had to head into town for what I knew was going to be a stressful church meeting. I get there at 6 and the other committee members aren't there. I wait until 6:15, none too patient. I decided I should go get that eggnog shake after all. So I leave a note that said I was there for the 6 o'clock meeting and no one else was, but if we are still meeting, call my cell.

So I drive over to the golden arches and get in line at the drive-thru. Naturally, at this time of night it's pretty busy. They recently rebuilt our McDonald's so there are two lanes to order but they converge into one line to pay and pick up food. So it creates this weird bottleneck. Not sure why they went with this design, but tonight it ticked me off.

I get up to the ordering console. "May I help you?" Yes, I said. "I'd like a small eggnog shake." (See I planned to be good and get a small.) Then the voice of doom announced, "I'm sorry but our ice cream machine is broken." Are you kidding me?!? That's all I wanted!

So here I am stuck in the bleepin' bottleneck of drive-thru traffic, waiting to pay for a Diet Coke, and thinking, this is how people snap. This is why we hear about those random acts of violence when someone doesn't get their coffee just right. Or their bag of Cheeto's or chocolate get stuck in the vending machine. Or someone can't get their eggnog shake. It's totally logical if they had a day like mine.

I ended up getting called back to the church for a 2-plus hour meeting. By the time I got home after 9, I told hubby I was so stressed it felt like my head was going to explode. I saw a secret Santa gift on the table needing wrapping. And I hadn't even started the work I had to do!

Since our computer wasn't cooperating worth poop, I figure I'll just go to bed and go into work early.

I did have a little eggnog ice cream we had in the freezer, but it's just not the same. At least I can still say "No crimes were committed in the making of this blog entry."

Motivating factors

It's amazing how a warm, sunny day can lighten a person's disposition. It's either that or getting exposed to too much reality TV last night and realizing I have a pretty normal life.

I found myself flipping channels while folding laundry. Just about everything was reality-based programming: American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, The Biggest Loser. All on at the same time. I don't know much about who's in the running for the singing and dancing shows, so when I saw that it was the season finale for The Biggest Loser, I stopped channel surfing to check it out.

I needed that show to inspire me more than anything else. The winner, apparently a big deal because she was the first female winner, had lost half her body weight in this competition. Remember how I mentioned we had our Biggest Loser contest locally this winter? That success story definitely was not the case with me. I ended up finishing where I started.

Remember I thought I could do it on my own? I couldn't. I've made more progress in the past week because I now have a network of 4 or 5 friends who are all on the same mission to get off our butts before our butts are too big to get out of the chair! One will say, let's go to the fitness center. Another will want to go running. A couple of us do this new aerobics class called Zumba, too. Now that's fun. After all the exercise videos I have put myself through in my life, I thought I was coordinated. One Zumba class put me in my place. But I am catching on to the sexy samba-like dance class. We sweat. We hurt. But it's so fun, you don't notice.

Sometimes it's just easier to suffer, I mean stay motivated, in a group. With a support network. With friends who won't say, "I'd walk a mile in your shoes," but instead say, "I'm walking a mile and you're coming with me!" That's what friends are for, right?!