April Fools?

When I woke up this morning and saw the pretty snowflakes falling down, I thought for sure Mother Nature had her days screwed up. This isn't April Fool's Day! It's April 21st!

Then I woke up a little more and remembered I live in Wisconsin. It would be more unusual if this type of thing didn't happen. Still, I am not a morning person and wasn't finding the humor...

Sometimes I don't know when to take a joke (just ask hubby). But then, I don't always know when someone is joking. It's probably not safe to assume that just because I am occasionally sarcastic (OK, more than occasionally) that everyone else is, too. Sometimes they probably mean what they say.

Sometime last week, there was a buzz started in our community involving some potential violence set to happen at our high school Monday -- which happened to be the 10th anniversary of the Columbine tragedy.

At this point, who knows if someone was joking and it escalated out of control from there. But by yesterday afternoon, hundreds of students left the high school after they and their parents became concerned about the rumored threats.

Apparently, early last week, school officials had already requested additional police presence at the school Monday because it was the Columbine anniversary. That, combined with rumors that passed through Facebook pages and text messages throughout the weekend, caused anxiety. By early afternoon, about 600 of the school's almost 1,500 students went home.

To whoever started the joke -- whether a real joke or a real threat: Not funny.

My heart fills with a sense of dread just thinking that there are potential threats to our children's safety. It shouldn't be that way.

Just last week, Carter had a "lock down" situation at his school because 2 fourth-grade girls went missing while out on a gym class jog through the school forest. Did they get lost? Were they abducted? Police were called and the area searched. In the end, we find out the girls are safe ... because they decided to skip out of school and go to a friend's house nearby. This starts in fourth grade?

Obviously, when people are acting selfish and doing or saying something for their own pleasure (or sick enjoyment) it affects a lot more people than they realize.

I may dislike Mother Nature's cruel joke to dump snow when May is next week, but I'd take that any day over a threat to the safety of the big boys and our May Day baby.

Blinding me with Science

I have a feeling I'll be dreaming about volcanoes and earthquakes tonight. No, I didn't overdose on the Weather Channel. I was helping Carter study for a science test.

I've quickly observed that fifth grade is way different from fourth grade. The teacher may talk about everything but the student has the responsibility to read about it, too, to thoroughly understand the subject matter.

This has been a bit of a challenge for our fifth-grader -- reading all the facts and new vocabulary and then, comprehending it. We have found that it helps if after Carter does the first pass, we read through it again together, then I ask him questions. Last week I had a flashback to American history. Tonight it was science.

It was actually a grueling two hours. We had 30 pages of content to cover, with concepts as straightforward as landforms to the four layers of the earth, the causes of earthquakes and volcano eruptions, and the effects of erosion. That's a whole lotta info for one test, I think. I actually wish I could take the test to see what I retained!

I'll probably revert back to the nervousness of my test-taking days and lose enough sleep for both us. Unless I stop for a minute and realize thoughts of shifting plates and fault lines would actually put me to sleep if I had to sit in a classroom and hear about them... Yeah, that's it. G'night.

Movin' on up!

Are you smarter than a fifth-grader? We'll soon find out just how smart a fifth-grader is. Carter got his report card and he officially passed fourth grade. Like we had a doubt.

Now I'm not the bragging type (oh that's right, I am), but he did quite well. Students in first through fourth grade get numbered scores (between 1-4) rather than letter grades. Those start next year. Basically, a 3 means he's proficient and he knows the material/subject matter and a 4 means he's advanced, exceeding expectations.

Carter got all 3's and 4's. We are very proud, naturally. What we really found interesting, though, were the year-end comments. We have to beam when we see our child called "bright, intelligent, responsible" even if it is followed up with a "work on self-control when it's appropriate" comment.

The one that got us smiling, laughing and groaning at the same time was the comments for Language Arts, where the teacher said he does outstanding work in all areas. Then this: "He is becoming a very accomplished writer and he has a very good sense of correct editing."

Are you kidding me? First of all, why would a fourth-grader even have to know about editing? And how did Carter manage to "inherit" that trait from both Mom and Dad? And, does this mean he'll be a low-paid writer/editor like us, too, instead of a doctor or rock star? Poor Carter.

And yet, we are tickled every time we read that comment!

And the one following that one: "Continue to keep reading Carter, and don't lose that sense of creativity that you have!" Yes, no matter what your jaded parents say, don't lose it!

Farewell, fourth grade!

School's out for summer!! I know I always say I can't believe my baby is growing up. But he just keeps doing it. Now, I guess, he's technically a fifth-grader! Yikes!

An interview with outgoing Grant Elementary fourth-grader Carter Austin:

Mom: What was your favorite subject and why?
Carter: Science because I liked doing all the experiments.

Mom: What did you like most about your teacher?
Carter: Most of the time she'd give us extra recess, which was fun.

Mom: What did you do that got you in trouble?
Carter: Talked in class when I'm not supposed to.

Mom: Anything else?
Carter: Nope.

Mom: What did you like to do at recess?
Carter: No matter what, I would always play soccer.

Mom: Who are you favorite friends to play with?
Carter: Clayton and Jacob.

Mom: How about girls?
Carter: Not tellin'.

Mom: What was your favorite memory of the school year?
Carter: When Cody walked by and said "Hi" and my other friend Craig said "Hi popo!"

Mom: What was the coolest thing you learned?
Carter: That school's out.

Mom: What are you looking forward to in fifth grade?
Carter: Dissecting frogs or deer hearts.

Mom: How about this summer?
Carter: Sharing my memories and Kidz Camp.

Sad Mom: Why do you have to grow up?!
Carter: It's natural and everybody has to grow up. So don't call me your "wittle baby" anymore!

Do you compute?

Just when I think I have a handle (somewhat) on today's technology, I realize I am light years behind. Someone said this week that e-mail is the newest "snail mail" because texting is that much quicker. I don't know about that, but I am getting my eyes opened.

Today Carter had a program at school. He and his classmates were presenting their agriculture reports with Power Points. So Carter has officially done a Power Point before Mom or Dad. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a computer program that can be projected on a big screen -- just a nice, graphically pleasing way to present information. Almost like a slide show. I'm sure I can teach myself how to do one. I just haven't taken the time. The kids did sound quite professional with their little microphone and slides. Just not something I expected to see in a 4th-grade classroom.

I knew kids were learning things at a much younger age when I watched Carter type in his guest blog. He had his hands poised above the home row and he typed with all fingers ... just like I learned in 10th-grade typing class (only they call it "keyboarding" now)!

He knows his way around the computer and the Internet, too. I was grateful his teacher made the kids start their ag report research using encyclopedias first so they have a clue what to do with those antiquated books.

Of course, he's asked for a cell phone. But that is not happening anytime soon.

Then there are the two older boys who have their cell phones on them every minute of every day ... and I can't convince my hubby to get one for emergencies or those "almost important" calls from Wal-Mart. It's not like we would run out of minutes with it. Certainly not from texting.

Texting. Now that is a foreign concept to me -- probably because I have a Blackberry through work (la-tee-da) and I just type whole e-mails to people with that. But texting is THE thing. The teenage boy living with us was almost complaining the other day that he was limited to only 1,000 text messages a month. Only?! If you've got the phone, why don't you just call your friends and TALK to them?

See how old-fashioned I am? At least I know how to blog, right? That's hip ... or whatever the "kewl" word of the day is...

Breakfast, anyone?

I told Carter last night he better start thinking about what he wants to bring for a birthday treat to school Thursday. We are somewhat limited since we leave town in the morning before anyone is at the school. So I'm not going to send a cake with him on the bus. And certainly not a container of cupcakes to get dropped or smooshed or eaten. So I was leaning towards something I could buy. Maybe something from my friend Little Debbie. That didn't happen.

Carter recalled some pretzel-almond bark thing his babysitter made at Christmas time. Something different from our "pretzel doughnuts." These were called "Bacon & Eggs" instead. I kind of remembered what they looked like but told Carter the challenge would be finding Almond Bark at this time of year. It's just one of those things that they have a stockpile of during the holidays, but that's usually it.

So being clever about still getting out of making something, I said, "If they don't have all the ingredients (yes, all 3 of them) for Bacon & Eggs, what is your second choice? Or do you just want me to find something?" He said I could pick.

How evil am I that I was hoping for an easy out? Well, as luck would have it -- as Carter's luck would have it -- Wal-Mart (who has everything, darn it) had Almond Bark, the thin pretzel sticks and M&M's.

We decided to make it tonight since I don't know what time we'll get home from an out-of-town funeral tomorrow evening. So we jumped into it after baseball practice. It was actually a quick-and-easy project. And tasty. We had to eat the ones where the yoke was off-centered because I am a perfectionist and will only serve the best Bacon & Eggs to those 4th-graders!

So if you are in the neighborhood on May 1st, stop on by Grant Elementary to say hello to the birthday boy. I think "breakfast" will be served around 10!

Non-scents

They say every generation grows up faster than the one before. Which is also why parents "don't know anything" at a younger and younger age!

Carter called my mom to have her help with his "Big Words" homework this week. This is where the students see how many words they can make out of a bigger word -- in this case, earthworms. Since Grandma helped one other time and enjoyed it so much, he thought he better let her in on the fun one more time before the school year ends.

As usual, when I got on the phone, Mom is chuckling about something Carter said to her and commenting how "mature" he sounds. I was telling this to Carter later when I was tucking him in and, in his mind, a conversation about maturity was a perfect segue into his request to start wearing cologne.

I was not prepared. I said something like: "You can't even spell cologne! Why would you need to wear cologne? To impress some girl?"

Then I heard the answer that shot arrows into my heart. "Well Mom, I have a whole secret world you know nothing about!"

Oh boy. So I said, "So this is about a girl! Who is it? Tori? Kayla? Bridgette?" I just kept naming names and when he said, "You'll never guess," then I knew I was right. He wants to impress a girl.

So I suggested he take a shower every night if he was concerned about smelling good. He didn't miss a beat and replied: "But Mom, that will wear off when I toss and turn all night wondering when I can wear cologne!"

Thank you, Mr. I Have An Answer For Everything. I mentioned it to Jim and he said Carter shouldn't even think about wearing cologne until he has his driver's license. That sounded good to me. When I told our little fourth-grader that, he said, "Mom! Why did you tell Dad?! I was asking you?"

Nine-year-olds may be smart but they don't know everything. Mom is not the one to go to when you want to bring another female into your life. Someday he'll learn, but hopefully not too soon!

By the way, since Jim is out of town a few days, Carter asked to sleep with me last night. Falling on the heels of the "I'm growing up" cologne discussion, I said yes, of course. This morning when I woke him up, he said he slept really good, then asked: "Can we do things the old-fashioned way and have you carry me out to breakfast?" Old-fashioned? As if his toddlerhood was so long ago! I declined the request, citing my bad back, but I did smile to myself, thinking maybe he doesn't want to grow up so fast after all.

April Fools

Mother Nature sure played a cruel April Fool's joke on us with an overnight snow storm. Even though we just got a dusting in our area, I made it work to my advantage.

By the time I got my sniffling, sneezing, stuffy head self out of bed this morning, Carter was already on the couch eating a bowl of cereal. "Why did you get up so early?" I asked. "Didn't you know we had a snow storm last night? There's no school today!"

"Oh man!" he responds with a groan. "I could kill someone." Which I'm sure meant he'd rather have stayed in bed. Knowing neither one of us has much of a sense of humor in the morning, I really didn't let him sweat it out very long before I said, "April Fool's!" When we saw on the TV that there were several schools Up North that were in fact closed today, he was actually disappointed my prank wasn't for real. I was disappointed, too. I would have loved to drag my sorry butt back to bed for the day!

Don't let Carter fool you, though, I am quite sure he wanted to go to school today. Especially after last night. He got a phone call. From a girl! When he brought the phone back out to the living room, 9 minutes later (but who's counting), we asked who is was. Shayla. What did she want? "Oh she just wanted to know if it was raining here." And it took 9 minutes to answer?!

Perhaps I will not be a mother that deals well with girlfriends when he's a teenager. But in my defense, this phone call came within days of one conversation where Carter (a 4th-grader, mind you) says two people in his class are "going out." Another conversation where he asked, "Mom, when can I start wearing cologne?"

Yep. I'm the fool today. The fool who thinks my little boy is not growing up!

Portfolio Night

For some reason, elementary schools have done away with having two parent-teacher conferences per year. Instead they hold the conference in the fall (perhaps to nip study habits and behavioral issues in the bud) and the spring meeting is called a Portfolio Night.

Portfolio Night is really just a "show and tell" for the child. The fourth-graders at Grant Elementary School actually spent a good part of their day yesterday preparing for last evening's event.

Jim was pretty much knocked out by a nasty head cold so I went solo. Carter took me on a guided tour of his classroom, demonstrated a science lab on magnetism, then walked me through a thick folder of school work reflecting his progress this year. The teacher did a good job of including a mix of everything -- perfect score papers and homework practice sheets where he got less than stellar results.

I have to say I was pretty impressed with his creative writing. There was the "Cat Escape" story that started out something like, "They say a cat has 9 lives but I think my cat used one of them this week..." and the how-to paper on "How to build an ice cream sundae," which ends with something like, "And the final step, which you MUST do, is sit back and enjoy it!" I can't wait to get my hands on these at the end of the school year. We could type them in and that could be the start of Carter's blog!

Before leaving the classroom, I asked the teacher if there was anything I needed to know (I mean this was really informal). She said Carter is a "little chatty" but she enjoys his sense of humor. She also said he's a sharp kid, which I guess is important to hear since we were in a school setting after all.

When we were done, Scrapbooking Mom asks for a picture with teacher since that is tradition. The teacher obliges. It wasn't until I snapped the photo that I really paid attention to what Carter was wearing. He had a spray-paint type t-shirt on that said in bright pink letters: "That's Hot!" At least he left the bling at home.

Carter Joseph Stallin'

Without fail, bedtime is the most drawn-out part of the day at our house. As soon as we approach 8:34, Carter starts stalling for time.

Why 8:34? When Carter was in kindergarten, his bedtime was 8:30 p.m. We said we'd add a minute each year. So this school year the fourth-grader can stay up until 8:34. So far it's worked. Well, not really. We are lucky if he is even in his bedroom by 8:34.

Something always comes up -- like he forgot to pack something in his backpack. Or forgot to feed the cat. Or forgot to floss. Or forgot to do his push-ups and jumping jacks (that's the new one).

Once he is in bed, then he suddenly has news to tell us. "Mom, look at my knee. I scraped it during recess. Can you put a Band-Aid on it?" or "Mom, is there a lump on my head where I got hit with the soccer ball?" or "I had to go to the office today because I wasn't feeling well."

Wow. All these emergencies. All this news and he waits until bedtime to bring it up, knowing a conversation will ensue and it won't be "lights out" until closer to 9. We try to rush it along but don't want to appear cold and uncaring -- especially when there is an injury involved.

Last night's "injury" was hurt feelings. That was a tough one. You can't restore someone's self-esteem in 15 minutes (despite what you might see on TV). There's also the fact that kids don't care what their parents think. We can tell Carter he's not a dork or idiot -- he's cool -- until we're blue in the face, but it does no good when kids say something to the contrary.

So we kiss him, hug him and wipe away the tears and tell him he's awesome anyway. Then we go to bed and lose sleep, too, wondering how we as parents who "don't know anything" can convince our stalling, bedtime-delaying son that he is the bright spot in the center of our universe. That's one thing we do know.

This week in Carterland

I've said before that when I have a crazy and somewhat stressful week, I just need to recall a few Carterisms and it brings a smile to my face. Hopefully, it will do the same for you.

Just the facts: Carter was so excited to bring home his new library book, Every Minute on Earth (Fun Facts that Happen Every 60 Seconds). "Did you know a car traveling 60 mph travels one mile in one minute?" Yup, we know that one. "Did you know 10 adult elephants can produce one pound of poop per minute?" Now that's the kind of facts 4th-grade boys live for!

Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs: OK, here's some logic that's hard to argue with. Carter was acting all cranky (grumpy even) for much of the day so Daddy finally asks him, "If you were one of the 7 dwarfs, which one would you be?" Without missing a beat, Carter responds, "The third one." It makes so little sense, we both just had to laugh.

Mr. Popular: When I called my parents the other day, I had Carter dial so he could talk to Grandpa and Grandma first. After 20 minutes -- and after he'd talked to both of my parents and two of my sisters who were visiting them -- he hands me the phone. There was no one there. They'd already hung up. Now I know where I stand!

Humor me: Carter said if I needed a good joke to tell my friends at work this week, I should try this one: "Why did the math book go to the psychiatrist? ... Because he had problems."

Never a dull moment in Carterland!

10 Days of Christmas

I was reading on the news wire today that participating in the 12 Days of Christmas is outrageously expensive these days.

It would cost $78,100 to buy the 364 items, from a single partridge in a pear tree to the 12 drummers drumming, repeatedly on each day as the song suggests, according to some annual pricing survey. The cost is up 4 percent from $75,122 last year.

That's a lot of money -- considering it will be all over a month from today already. (I know. Sorry to mention that.) Hopefully there are a lot of people out there who understand that turtle doves and maids-a-milking are not what the "season of giving" is all about.

The fourth-grade classes at Grant Elementary have a neat project going on. They are raising some money this holiday season for the domestic-abuse shelter in Wisconsin Rapids. How are they doing this? Thankfully, not selling pizzas or overpriced trinkets. Instead, each child is committing to doing some household chores for the next week and a half to earn a special allowance that will be donated to The Family Center.

Carter decided on five chores: make his bed, clean the litter box, fold his laundry, take out the garbage and shovel the driveway (I sure hope we don't need his services for that one in the next 10 days!)

We asked him how much he thought he should earn. Somehow he came up with $7.25 -- I remember he said $3 for shoveling and I think $1.25 for laundry. He read us the list and Jim and I are smiling because he's so precise about this. "What?" he says. "Do you think $1.25 is too much for the laundry?"

We tell him that the thing is, he should be thinking about what he wants to be able to give to the center, not so much about what a real allowance may be worth. We already had a figure in mind (definitely more than what he proposed!). We asked if he'd be willing to do these chores for the next 10 days so he could earn that amount -- and give it to The Family Center so they, in turn, can give some unfortunate families a merry Christmas. He enthusiastically said yes.

I applaud the school's efforts. I think it's a great way for kids to learn young that this is the season of giving, not just getting, and that it won't kill them to work hard in order to help others. That's why some of us give to the church and to charities all year long.

The spirit of giving should not be limited to Carter's 10-day project or the 12 days in the song. Don't you agree?

Lost in Translation :: Part 2

The Austin family is probably due for a tune-up -- or at least an ear cleaning.

Not too long ago, I mentioned a few examples of Carter's translations of Daddy and Mommy-speak (remember hilarious was heard as "how Larry is.") Well now I've had a doozy of my own.

This week was the achievement tests for the fourth-graders. It's not the kind of test the students can study for so the teacher just encouraged us parents to be sure our kids got to sleep early and ate a hearty breakfast.

Each night when we pick Carter up at the sitter's after school, we always ask how his day is and see what homework he has so we can plan our evening. So I asked, "What do you have to do tonight?" I thought his response was, "Nothing, just wrestling practice."

Well this is the first I've heard of that. I asked: "Wrestling practice? Why do you have that? For gym?"

I was quickly corrected. "Mom, I didn't say wrestling practice, I said rest and breakfast!"

Rest and breakfast. Wrestling practice. Rest and breakfast.

Either I'm losing my mind or my hearing. Don't say it. Probably a little bit of both. And that's not funny (or how Larry is).

Back to School

As usual in the Austin household, the first day of school was greeted with a restless night's sleep and a very anxious 9-year-old up at the crack of dawn.

Carter's a bit of a worry wart (hmm ... wonder where he gets that from.) He couldn't fall asleep last night. What if I miss the bus? What if my teacher is mean? And on and on.

This morning he had his shoes on and his backpack on and was ready to go an hour before the bus was due. "Carter, you haven't even showered yet!" "Oh, yeah."

He's the first one to the bus stop so he puts his backpack at the edge of the road to ensure his place at the front of the line (at least for this day). The other kids and their camera-toting moms join us moments later. As we snap individual and group shots, the one mom says to her daughter, "See it's not just me. This is just what moms do!"

Carter did allow me to give him a big hug and kiss but whispered, "Mom, you're embarrassing me" when I reminded him what bus he needed to ride after school. Oh he's growing up so fast. I don't think I told my parents they embarrassed me until probably 8th grade!

I see him off on the bus. As I'm driving to work, I am astonished I didn't have a tearful goodbye. I wonder, am I getting used to this? Then, it hit me -- at a really odd time and place. As I pull up to a stoplight, I glance in the rearview mirror. In the minivan behind me, I see a mother "signing" to her school-aged daughter. I start to cry. I look up and say, "Thank you God for my healthy child ... my normal 4th-grader."

When I picked Carter up after school, I asked him what his favorite part of his first day in 4th grade was. He responded, "Everything!"

I guess we all found something to be thankful for today. Perhaps there will be some restful sleep in the Austin house tonight!