Today Brought to you by the Words Serenity and Now

Today's words – well the words of the past month – are Serenity and Now. Or ... Serenity Now!

Work has been a bit hectic and stressful. But as my boss and I discussed this morning, it's just work. It's a small piece of the giant picture of life. And we're not losing or saving lives as writers in a marketing department. 

So I'm trying to call upon my shortened version of the Serenity Prayer and just keep moving forward. I did have to work a bit tonight after I got home. Had to skip choir practice. But should be caught up when we finally see the birthday boy tomorrow. 

Maybe that's adding to my stress. Missing my boy! C'mon, moms. You can confirm this is a reality!

At least with hubby golfing tonight I was able to catch another episode of The Diplomat. Pretty sure I'll wrap that season up this weekend.

And another positive... a "projected" high of 73 degrees tomorrow! Since I woke up to 31 degrees today, I am looking forward to this little ray of sunshine.

If you're having a stressful week, may you find serenity. Now!

The Other One

As much as I love and respect the often-repeated Serenity Prayer, I liked this "other" version of it the minute I saw it today.

For me, it could just end at "serenity to stop beating myself." Doesn't matter the reason. I do it too often because I allow others to have the power to make me feel like I'm not good enough. That I'm the idiot. I'm the failure. I'm worthless.

I don't love myself enough to stop it. I should say I didn't love myself but am working to change that.

That's what I like about this prayer. ... The courage to forgive myself because I'm working on doing better. And, I might add, the recognition that it is a process and we make progress, but it never ends.

Seriously, that is why I am always so apologetic for my existence. When I say, "Sorry, I'm trying to change" or "I'm working to get better at that," it just points out I haven't mastered whatever "it" is that I am working on. Therefore confirming, in my mind, I am a failure.

That is why it takes so much courage to forgive ourselves for trying. It's actually quite bold to love ourselves for the people we are, knowing there may be a long journey to the people we want to become.

And, the final portion, acknowledging that God loves me just the way I am... no matter my progress or lack of it. No matter others' opinions of me or societal standards. No matter how many times I've tried to be that "better" person and failed.

Having that wisdom. That's a huge deal.

I'm glad I stumbled upon this prayer today. I needed that reminder that even if I have a long way to go, I have actually come a long way, too. And I am good enough right where I am.

Not going to stop the journey. Just pulling into a rest area to get my bearings.

Serenity What?

Totally fitting with the stress lately that my "Serenity Prayer" bracelet broke today. Now I know God should grant me serenity but not sure for what? Change others, maybe?

Such a jumbled mess! The beads were in a particular order around my wrist. Sort of like a rosary, I guess. I'm not Catholic, but I think they touch a bead for different words or phrases. For my bracelet, I remember there are 7 green beads to represent each day of the week. Yup, there is more the to the Serenity Prayer than we usually say. There is a sentence after the usual prayer that says, "Living one day at a time" (every day of the week).

Actually, there is even more than that. Pretty sure my broken bracelet is a sign I should be looking at the whole thing. And praying it, too.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

(prayer attributed to Reinhold Neibuhr, 1892-1971)

If you are having a week like mine, where every day is a "Monday," feel free to join me. There's gotta be some serenity somewhere in that pile of beads!

Words to Live By

Even though I make my living off the power of my words, I just can't find the write, er right, statement that appropriately labels a current challenge in my life.

My dad had another unplanned visit to the doctor today. Despite a brief hospital stay last week and some new magical "pain patches," the pain from his 10-month bout of Shingles has pushed him over the edge again. The sad part... the hard part... the one we kids aren't prepared to see or hear... is that he is THIS close to just giving up. And I mean giving up for good.

Do we sit back and say "It is what it is"? I hate that phrase. I think it's supposed to mean, "That's how things are and you can't do anything about it. Just accept it." But then you might as well say nothing. Because it doesn't change anything.

Probably like I shouldn't blog about this because it will not change anything -- but the venting will make ME feel better. Ha.

Us kids are in a tough spot. Our parents need help but don't want it. I think they see it as a sign of weakness, like they can't handle independence any more. Sure 8 kids aren't going to necessarily agree on what's the next best step for them, but the bottom line is we all want the same thing. We want Mom and Dad to be healthy and safe in their environment. They, however, aren't going to budge.

Remember Forrest Gump saying "Stupid is as Stupid does"? His momma sure had lots of inspiring words that didn't always make sense. Not sure what the "Stupid" one meant exactly. But I can guess my family's motto could be "Stubborn is as Stubborn does." It definitely is what it is.

My siblings and I are in a role reversal situation where the children will become the caregivers to our parents just as they nurtured us from childhood to adulthood. I shouldn't say we ARE in that role yet. We are somewhat willing and prepared to be, but our "children" aren't listening. Can we give them a time out?

I guess our best words to live by come from a prayer I already say every day anyway...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things -- people, circumstances and attitudes -- I cannot change...

Or shortened to: SERENITY NOW!

Yup, that works. Now onto that life of eating a box of chocolates...

Get it Started!

There have been signs hung around my workplace reminding us that today is National Start! Walking Day. It must be a real holiday. I mean they have a website and everything.

What I found interesting is that there is an exclamation point after the word Start! -- right in the middle of the phrase. I think that's a not-so-subtle message that getting started is the most important thing. It doesn't matter how far you go or how many minutes, just Start! walking... or running... or just moving!

Today was a perfect day to do that, too. The temps were almost 50 so I actually got to run outside at lunchtime and I didn't even need a hat! That's a sure sign Spring is just about here. (I hope.)

I for one am looking forward to more days like today. This inconsistent weather has wreaked havoc on my running schedule. One day it's sleeting like winter then it's raining like spring. I am partial to the sunny like summer days myself. But I prefer the temp right at 50! That'll keep this ol' bag o' bones moving anyway!

The other Start! today was a special moment hubby and I shared. We like to call it our first real sign of "so this is what the teen years are going to be like" frustration. Oh don't worry, I won't give you the play by play. It's tough to type with one hand anyway when I'm squeezing a stress ball with the other.

Perhaps today was also National Start! Saying the Serenity Prayer Hourly Day. I must have missed the poster for that... Wonder if they have a website...

Tornado Awareness

Today is the first Monday of the month so that means I started off the morning with my monthly back-crackin' appointment.

As usual, my chiropractor scolds me for abusing my back but secretly is thinking: "Keep it up. I need a new SUV." I'm kidding, of course. He's a great guy (and coincidentally, does drive a pretty nice vehicle!).

You'd think starting off the day so well-adjusted would be sign of things to come. But such was not the case.

I was having some computer problems at work -- as in, they were not working fast enough for me. So I found myself working on 3 computers to get something done. I'd save on my computer, then on the laptop on my desk, then hop to the desk next to mine (my co-worker was gone), then back to my desk. It sort of felt like musical chairs. And I wondered how long it would take to create a funnel cloud like the Tasmanian Devil.

But that really wasn't the main problem today. I had some negative thoughts festering in the back of my mind. I was upset about a situation from the weekend and I could not stop thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, the more frustrated and angry I became. So as my body moved like a tornado, my mind was creating a whirling dervish of its own.

I had built myself into a full-blown ticked-off stage at the individuals involved when hubby reminded me I can't do anything about the situation or those people. If they want to be selfish, I can't change that -- or them.

That darn Serenity Prayer! Having to accept the things (and people and situations) I cannot change!

It's not so easy. Especially when I was so worked up in my personal twister! I kept justifying it, saying "I have a right to be angry." But I finally had to let it go. Amazingly, that felt better.

Think about when a wicked storm blows through. The air is so charged with energy during the storm. Then afterwards, suddenly it's cool and calm and peaceful.

And you can't beat the smell of fresh rain.

Serenity 101

I felt like a professional student today. I learned a lesson or two on patience. Failed miserably at tolerance and control. But picked up a few pointers on humility. Yup. It was one of those days!

I've had a few stress factors develop at work lately. Unfortunately, a few came to a head today and my mind and spirit were not prepared. I think I've mentioned before that I often say the Serenity Prayer to myself at work as a reminder I can't change people. Only how I react to them.

Today I revised the prayer to add accepting the things -- people and situations -- I cannot control. I cannot control everything just because I am a manager. Honestly, I can't change or control anything -- because I am human. I may temporarily think I'm the one in charge, but we all know better.

I told someone recently that I am more likely to get from Point A to Point B safely -- and with my sanity intact -- if I let God do the driving. I know this to be true. However, sometimes knowing something and actually living it are two different things, aren't they?

So today I confess that I am human. Therefore I am imperfect. Therefore I get angry, upset and hurt when I lose control of a situation I never really had control of to begin with. I get disappointed with my reaction to others. And I learn that sometimes the best way of dealing with it is a new version of the Serenity Prayer, a cleansing cry at my desk and an Italian ice cream run with friends.

Serenity now!

It's been a pretty dry summer. Our lawn is patchy with 6-inch weeds some places and brown spots in others. In Door County this weekend, there was a campfire ban on the island and one of the golf courses had places where I hit off of dirt.

I'm experiencing a different kind of drought, too. My "well" of patience and tolerance has run dry!

It's just been one of those weeks where I want the world to grow up, act its age, be responsible, care, share, give back. It's such a small request, isn't it?

I've had a discouraging few days where in my "service" work, I am running into people who don't want to volunteer (always the same people doing all the work) and in my "work" work, I am running into people who don't want to work (always the same people doing all the work).

I guess the frustrating part is that I am one of those "same people." I am reminded that I don't have to be. I don't have to say "yes" to every opportunity. But I think if I am responsible and capable at this point in my life, I should say yes. I should help. I should give back.

What I also have to remind myself is that others are better at saying "no." And I can't change that ... or them.

Have you heard of the Serenity Prayer? "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I say that prayer every day. Partly because I am a manager, partly because I am a mother, partly because I am a wife, and mainly because I'm human. My shortened version of the prayer is: "Serenity now!" (I got that one from Seinfeld and I love it.)

I do feel better when I say it/think it. I know I cannot change anyone. I can only change how I react to them. Just writing about it now is helping me. I am in a better place already.

I still may need to do a rain dance so I can fill up my well of patience and tolerance. I should also top off my wells of gratitude, unselfishness, commitment ... thankfully (for everyone who has to "deal" with me lately) I see clouds on the horizon.