Tough Love

With my mind focused on "tough love" today, it's actually pretty appropriate my desk calendar word today is capitulate.

Capitulate -- 1: to surrender often after negotiation of terms. 2: to cease resisting: acquiesce.

The definition of tough love then? When there is no capitulation on behalf of the child. They won't surrender. They won't cease resisting us. Seriously, it's not far off the mark. Wikipedia says: "Tough love is an expression used when someone must treat another person harshly or sternly in order to help them in the long run."

I'd wager most kids today consider any type of punishment "harsh" or "stern." Last night, for example, Carter was sent to bed early because of his dramatic refusal (once again) to take a bath. So he went to his room and proceeded to moan and wail over the injustice. Anyone listening from any point in our house for the next 45 minutes would think we were cutting off his fingers one by one, the way he carried on.

This morning, his first words to me were: "Why do you and Dad hate me?" Apparently he thinks being sent to bed early is harsh and stern. I, on the other hand, think harsh was getting whacked on my bare behind with a yardstick -- a form of tough love we couldn't legally demonstrate today (nor would I want to).

I imagine I threw a few dramatic fits of my own. I just didn't realize the tough part of tough love was being the parent and doling out the unreasonable punishment.