Introducing: Not Me

Some days at work I feel like I am back home, living in my parents' house as a child again. Some days things go wrong. And some days they are looking for someone to blame.

You'll never believe this. I mean, the coincidence is uncanny. But we have an employee here named Not Me. That's the same name as my imaginary childhood sibling!

Something would go wrong -- a dish was broken or flowers pulled -- and Mom would ask "Who did this?!?" Somebody always chimed up: "Not me!" Marlys was always quick to respond that she had 8 kids and would certainly know if she had a 9th! And, in my family, its first name most certainly would start with an R anyway.

Blaming Not Me was a pretty tough sell when there was only two of us at home. Either my twin did it or I did it. If we both said "Not Me!" then one of us was lying (to avoid a spanking, no doubt).

I distinctly remember a doughnut incident where Mom wanted to know where half a dozen powdered-sugar doughnuts went. I knew I only had one. And Raylene said she only had one ... finally she 'fessed up to having 1 1/2 then 2 ... then 2 1/2 until finally she said she ate 3. Apparently, Not Me really ate the other 2 -- or maybe it was Dad.

In most cases, neither one of us relented and changed our stories so we both got a spanking in the end! At work, we try to cover our ass to avoid "spankings" in the form of documentation or discipline or just plain embarrassment.

Unfortunately, adults rarely end up 'fessing up to anything if they can get away with it. So as a manager, I occasionally have to take one for the team. After all, I am ultimately responsible for what they do and don't do. I just hope their "powdered-sugar doughnuts" were worth it!