Sweet Emotion

Nothing so accurately reflects the mother-son-school role reversal than the cartoon above. I have seen this several times over the years but it didn't hit home until today. As my sister pointed out, though, Carter was always anxious to go to school. It appears that I am the one who has held on tightly. I am the one who needed to let go.

And I had to today without a choice.

Of course, it was as emotional as I expected. I wasn't even out the door yet to leave and I was already a basket case. I made the mistake of running back in the house to take a quick sweeping glance at his room to be sure he didn't forget anything major.

I'm the one who forgot something. I forgot looking at his empty room would remind me it is going to stand empty awhile. Uff da. Good thing hubby packed two boxes of tissues in the CRV.

We hit the road before 8 a.m. and since Carter was up late last night, this afforded me one more chance to take a picture of him sleeping. I just had to.

Of course, right when we are getting to town, the old Scorpions' song Winds of Change plays on the radio, so that set off more tears. "The future's in the air. I can feel it everywhere. Blowing with the wind of change..."

This is Carter's new home for the next 9 months. He is in Porter Hall, which is co-ed plus a mix of freshmen and upperclassmen. We got there just a little after his roommate (from Madison) did. We had a few challenges getting Carter's loft assembled, but the bigger challenge was finding room for everything.

This is his new digs. And it's a living space reality check, that's for sure. Our CRV wasn't even that packed. I have no idea where the people with U-Hauls today plan to put all their stuff!! The room does have the essentials, though: bed, desk, dresser, book shelf and fridge. Between Carter and his roommate, they have a TV, comfy chairs and at least 2 gaming systems.

Today was the first time he got to meet Reed, a randomly picked roommate. They are both going into engineering, but of course, that is not uncommon at UW-Platteville!

As a side note, Carter does know a few people from the Rapids area who are freshmen, too. Luckily, for one of them, we didn't take off too early this morning. His Assumption classmate forgot her UW-P ID at home so her poor sister had to wake up at the crack of dawn and run it over to our house so we could bring it with us. It all worked out in the end but made us paranoid about forgetting things!

Didn't need to go out and buy anything. Had a quick lunch together at DQ and I couldn't get much past that lump in my throat. We shared a private moment in the car that reminded me again how lucky we are to have him. Then it was time for the real goodbye.

Yes, I hugged hard. Yes, I told him I was proud. Yes, I tried to make this HIS moment, too. I just couldn't choke back the sobs. After one final hug on the front steps of the dorm, we walked away. I remember something I read this week that advised: "Don't look back." When you say goodbye, walk away and do not turn around. Do not anchor yourself to him to hold him back like that cartoon. Keep moving forward and let him go.

Naturally, I was sobbing like a hot mess before I was even halfway to the car. Sorry I couldn't surprise you with a different ending like, "I really held it together."

It did get better by the mile. We took a scenic route home and I was breathing normally and without waterworks after an hour or so. And Jim, though he was dealing with emotion, too, was my rock.

I did remind Carter that the "miners" M on the hill outside of Platteville actually serves as a reminder to call MOM. Ha.

I was proud that I waited a full 3 hours after our departure to text him. I had to text him "goodnight" tonight, too. And he's doing fine. I knew that he would. Doesn't stop the flow of bittersweet emotions, but it helps.

That and ice cream. I told you the ending is predictable!

Onward.