Side effects

Television commercials for pharmaceuticals these days are so scary they're almost entertaining.

Whether it's your head, heart, feet or parts we don't need to talk about, most of the commercials start out with this serene scene on the beach or in a hammock or perhaps enjoying a Sunday drive. Your life will be so calm and wonderful with this new drug.

Then you hear the "possible" side effects. Typically, you'll deal with fatigue, nausea and headaches. But in some rare cases, they say, your heart will race, you'll poop your pants, you'll bleed out of your ears and you'll grow hair on your nose.

Then, they suggest, you should report that to your doctor and stop taking the medication. You don't say?! Usually when I see these commercials I'm convinced I'd rather suffer with the health problem than the side effects!

My sister told me tonight she ran across the side effects for the medication our mom is taking for her restless legs syndrome -- called RLS these days, but known to all of us kids as "jerky legs." Apparently the drug Mom takes is capable of triggering compulsive behaviors.

I wish I was joking, but according to the company's Web site, the side effects for this drug really say: There have been reports of patients taking certain medications to treat Parkinson's disease or RLS (including Mom's) that have reported problems with gambling, compulsive eating, and increased sex drive.

Well I know my parents, especially Mom, enjoy an awful lot of time at the casino -- and I don't want details on anything else! I always associated the gambling with their retirement age. I mean who else has time to take all these casino bus trips? But could Mom's love for the nickel slots be tied to when she began those meds? If so, can we sue the drug company for her one-armed bandit losses?

Interesting, isn't it? Makes you want to start reading labels ... or perhaps start taking the Jerky Leg pills. You might be fat and poor, but according to patient reports, it'll spice up your marriage!