Right of Refusal

Despite my failure to succeed at various diet and exercise programs, I am spread too thin in one area: my time.

Although my husband may beg to differ, I have a hard time saying "no." (tee, hee) So I find myself saying "Yes, I'll do this for church and Sunday School," "Yes, I'll lead this service organization," yes, yes, yes. Until I find myself over-committed. Over-volunteered (we can make up words in blogs).

For awhile it's been clear it's added to my stress level. "Working" on projects during my free time. Running to meetings at night and traveling to conferences on weekends. I have been looking for a way out but stop myself when the guilt hits me. I don't want to let them down. I don't want to abandon them. Who will do it if I don't?

I think it had something to do with the cumulative stress this week, but I told Jim on the way home yesterday that I was going to give up one of these time-consuming leadership positions. He said, "Do what's best for you." I said, "No, I want to do what's best for all of us. To be there for you as a wife and to be there for Carter as a mom." Trust me, he said, "When you do what's best for Robyn, it turns out to be the best for all of us."

So last night when I was going to yet another meeting and on the way out the door, Carter asked for my help with homework. I said, "Mommy can't because she's going to a meeting." That sealed my decision.

I told the folks at the meeting that I am missing out on some of the best years of my son's life. We're away from home 55 hours a week for work and then many nights are filled with meetings I must attend -- despite what Carter has going on in his life. I shouldn't have to choose between meetings and mothering. Saying "no" to my son when he needs my help just leaves a pain in my gut. I don't want to have to do that anymore. And you know what? They understood. You are doing this for the right reasons, they said. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders! Has that happened to you before? Why do we put ourselves in that position to begin with?

When I was tucking Carter in later I told him I wasn't going to be going to so many meetings anymore. He asked why. I said I wanted to be around to take care of him, to be there when he needed homework help, to watch him hit those home runs this summer, to be a good mom. "I think that's a good idea," he said. It sure is, honey!