Stubborn Streak

A friend of mine shared her daily devotion with me this morning. The topic: Stubbornness. For the record, she shared this with several people. It wasn't like I was the only person who came to mind. This is what it said:

"Stubbornness is about control. My attempts to control are an attempt to wrap up my fears into a tidy parcel. Perseverance, however, is about surrendering. When I surrender, I am still responsible for the effort, but trust the results will be as they should be.

"Stubbornness is fear driven. Perseverance is about surrender, and is faith based."

When I hear the word "stubborn," I think of my dad (Sorry, LeRoy. Your turn.). The one particular incident that comes to mind is when some of us kids approached Mom and Dad last fall about the dangers (fire hazards and health-wise) with living amongst so much junk in their house. We asked/urged: Shouldn't we get rid of some of this stuff? I picture Dad pounding his cane on the floor, declaring: "It may be lots of stuff, but it's OUR stuff!" One more stomp of the cane for emphasis.

When I was reading this devotion, I can see from this example what it means when it says stubbornness and control are about wrapping up fears into a tidy parcel. Naturally, my parents fear losing their "stuff" -- whether it's in a fire or their nosey children come clear it out. That make sense.

What doesn't make sense is the many times we, well some of us, seem to be stubborn for no reason. Take tree huggers for instance. They persevere, as the devotion says. They seem to have a legitimate cause for holding their ground. But what would be the "cause," for example, for hubby refusing to see where my new desk is at work?

Not picking on him but I moved to a different area of the building on March 17. Hubby has yet to come see me even though he has visited people withing spitting distance of me (if, in fact, I could spit, say 8-10 feet). He says: "I just want to see how long I can go before I visit your new desk." I don't get it.

It reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. They come home from a trip and leave a suitcase at the bottom of the stairs. Both spouses refuse to carry it up the stairs. They just want to see how long it will sit there until the other spouse carries it up. Even though it's in the way and they often trip on it, they both are holding their ground. But for what cause?

I think we do fear that if we "give in" too soon, we are somehow weak. Or we are capable of being wrong. For myself, I think my stubborn streak is illustrated when I think I am right. I try to wait out that other person. They better say they were wrong. They better say they are sorry first. They better say, "You're right, Robyn. You're so smart!" Otherwise, I will have to acknowledge that (gasp!) I am somehow not perfect.

Have you ever disguised your stubbornness behind words like commitment, dedication or conviction? I believe it's time to transform what we know as stubbornness into perseverance. If I don't have faith that I am doing the right thing... If I don't have faith that I not just being selfish...If it feels like I refuse to listen or I could find out I am wrong... If it feels like it's merely an endurance test, like I am just holding out... Then I am just plain stubborn.

Am I getting any better? Well at least I don't hold my breath anymore. But there is that bag of shells we brought back from Spring Break. Still sitting on the kitchen table. Who's going to put those away?!