It really didn't take much.
Things changed a little over a year ago when I had to get on some anti-anxiety medication to temper down those random panic attacks I was suddenly experiencing. One of the good things about being on this medication is that it keeps my heart rate and emotions on a pretty even keel most of the time. One of the bad things about being on this medication is that it keeps my heart rate and emotions on a pretty even keel most of the time.
It sometimes feels like I have an inability to feel.
Honestly, the only time this has bothered me is the past several months as I have been grieving -- or trying to grieve -- my father's death. While I appreciate the assurance these pills have against those dreaded attacks, I would have given just about anything for one good cry.
I guess it just took the right trigger.
October is a tough month. I've been thinking about my dad more because his birthday would have been next week. Last year we held a nice 85th birthday party with family and friends. Typically, we'd be planning at least some sort of get-together for this weekend or next just to celebrate.
Not this year.
It was with those thoughts in the back of my mind that I sat down to catch up on the latest of episode of Glee. It happened to be a farewell to the character Finn, played by actor Cory Monteith, who in real life died of a drug and alcohol overdose this summer.
The more I thought about that, the more I connected each song to Dad. And the more I cried.
With 10 minutes left of the episode, I reached for another tissue and found the Kleenex box empty. That didn't stop the waterworks from continuing. In fact, an hour later and this is starting up again as I write. I miss you, Dad!
In a good, cleansing way, it feels good to feel again. Even if it hurts.
Yes, even if it hurts.
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1 comment:
It was always there, just waiting for the right moment....
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