Walkin' on the Water Side

It was appropriate on my drive home to see the blue skies struggling to hold their ground, er sky, as this afternoon's storm clouds threatened to take over.

It was appropriate because tonight I needed to take a look at my life's storms. Do I fear their power? Do I revel in the light show? Or do I close my eyes and wait for them to pass?

A group of us from church are delving into this as we discuss the book If You Want to Walk on Water You've Got to Get Out of the Boat by John Ortberg. This evening was our first meeting and we had 17 of us in the backroom of the downtown coffee shop, sipping our drinks, eager to learn and maybe not as eager to share ... just yet.

You know me, I'm an open book so I'll probably get kicked out for hogging the conversation. I did hold back but lucky you, you can read all about it right here!

We only got into the preface and first chapter tonight, but I'm intrigued.

The premise of the book is taking a deeper dive (ha, ha) into Peter's story of walking on water. Seriously, I believe that deep within each of us lies the same faith and desire that sent Peter walking across the stormy Sea of Galilee toward Jesus. I agree with the author that for some of us, well many of us, it lies so deep, though, that we can't or aren't willing to leave the safety of the boat.

Who can blame us? It's risky. It's thrilling. It's terrifying. It's life changing.

But, if Jesus is calling us, it's worth it.

Our hearts know that. Our heads do, too, but not necessarily at the same time. How do we come to believe this? What gives us this confidence? What is burying our faith just deep enough we sit firmly in the boat?

Tonight we started to touch on what our "boat" is. We each have something different. Is our boat anchored in fear? Or is it floating on the Sea of Contentment and there is no need to rock it?

For me it's both. Mainly fear. Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of letting people down. Fear of judgment. Fear of getting hurt. Fear.

And if I was answering this a year ago, it would definitely have been security. After 12 years in the same workplace and 25 years in the same career field, I was considering a change. A 180-degree change. Completely out of my element. Completely out of my comfort zone. It was a leap of faith and it took me the better part of 6-7 months at least to realize that I had been guided to make the right decision. I got out of that boat and was not drowning.

Tonight when our pastor asked what happened that made Peter suddenly falter. He was walking on water, but when he lost focus on Jesus and realized they were in the midst of the storm, he sunk. I said, "Peter started sinking because he starting thinking."

That's what we do, don't we? Well I do anyway. I could stare straight ahead and have faith in the path God has laid before me. Why do I need to look down, just move forward, right? But then there are those failures of the past that pop up to haunt me. There are the crippling self-doubts, low confidence and low self-esteem that trip me up. And those aforementioned fears that can stop me in my tracks.

I know God hasn't done anything to make me lose my trust in Him. I am the one who has lost trust in myself, I guess. Am I being called in any way? Do I have gifts to share? Are they good enough?

This book study is going to be an interesting journey. There are major changes on the horizon and this might help me get through them. I don't need to walk on water. Right now I just NEED to remember that His life boat is close by.

That's a good start, right?

If you want to join in the reading and discussion, chapter 2 is on the agenda for next Wednesday at 6 p.m. at From the Ground Up. Everyone is welcome, whether you're firmly strapped in the boat in a life preserver, have one leg in and one leg out, or are walking on water, daring those storm clouds to take over your blue skies.